Long-distance marriage may not be easy but they can work. In situations where both partners work and have their businesses in different states or countries, they end up having a long-distance relationship. Does this mean their marriage will crash? No, a long-distance marriage can work. It takes effort and communication. They are so difficult when they are new. You begin to think, can I trust this person? Are they thinking about me right now? Can I trust myself when I’m not with them? What if someone makes me feel special than they do and I get carried away? Will they make up time for me? Will the time difference work? Will they make me a priority? Am I a priority?
The thing is that all these concerns are in a normal marriages but it completely heightens in a long-distance.
If You are newlywed and your partner is far away, you are in the right place because I’ll be giving you tips on how to deal with your long-distance marriage and aid you on this journey.
1. Focus On Your Communication: It cannot be said enough. Focus on your communication! That’s almost all you have. The problem of long-distance marriage is always a lack of communication most of the time. You both can create a time to talk every day or at the same time every week, that makes it more realistic and you can know if the other person has time for you. Both of you can commit to that since there’s already a time.
You need to be aware of how these little phone calls and text messages are quality time. For example, if you don’t have a chance to snuggle before bedtime, think ahead, and send a thoughtful message. Little things like that go a long way
Use the technology to your advantage. There are video calls, messaging apps, and even shout-out apps where you can tell your partner’s favourite Celebrity to give them a shout-out. Schedule a date night and facetime, cook together on video calls, play games and even pray. Technology has made it easier. If people could do it then, how about now?
2. Act Like You Live Together: a long-distance marriage creates two different lives. Ask them about how their day went, what they ate and everything. They should be able to share everything cause it’s not only going to be about you asking if they are not willing to share. Even if they think Is stupid, like about a silly thing that happened on your way to work, just let them know. Making this a habit builds a connection that overcomes the disconnect that naturally accompanies the long distance.
Share boring details because sometimes what we miss the most is a regular everyday routine where we share small, seemingly unimportant details. Just take random pictures of you doing your regular activities, of your food and just send to them. Don’t over share, leaving your partner overwhelmed. Keep some of the mysteries alive.
3. Trust Should Be a Priority; You both have to agree to trust each other once you decide to be in a long-distance marriage. Trust is something that you have to build and it’s more than sexual fidelity. You have to trust that they’ll be there to calm you down when you are upset, you can trust them to pick up your calls. You are their partner not a detective and that’s why trust is not something you learn in a day. If your partner figures that you are investigating or spying, they may not like it.
Don’t make assumptions. Sometimes we read text messages and emails in a certain way or we decide them differently, don’t jump to conclusions. It is crucial to keep in check any insecurities one may be feeling about the distance, and agree to make regular check-ins with each other to not create false assumptions.
4.Enjoy Your Time Alone; You have to work on being happy with staying alone if not, you’ll be found everywhere. Spend your time with your family and friends but don’t get used to it. Have your time alone. The more you are able to spend your time alone, the easier you’ll be able to survive your long-distance marriage. Read your favourite books and watch movies. Do what you love to do. If you are someone that loves to cook then cook, you can even open a YouTube channel for it.
Be really clear about who you are spending your private/alone time with. Let them know who you are hanging out with cause it will be worse if they find out from someone else or from a picture on social media. It breaks their trust. From the on set, you need to be transparent.
5. Stay Honest: Don’t skip hard conversations, talk through them. Don’t be afraid to always do that. If there’s anything you are going through, they should be the first to know about it. I know it’s easy to keep things away from them because they are not present but don’t do it. Always be ready to identify the elephant in the room i.e the problem.
6. Keep Your Expectations in Check: You should know that regardless of how much you want them to be present, there’ll be times when they won’t be able to show up. You have to manage your expectations.
It’s easy to go out and talk to people about your relationship for advice and validation but you should know that sometimes, seeking advice from outsiders can cause frustration. No one really understands your relationship and its issues more than the two people in it. You should learn to always have each other and stop discussing your business with everyone.
We know long-distance marriages are hard but if you can just follow these tips, it will make things easy. Arguments will happen, it’s normal. If you follow these tips, you can minimize them and avoid a lot of the insignificant ones that don’t mean anything. Long-distance only get tough when you let it get through you.