How I Almost Gave Up On My Long Distance Relationship After 7 years – Lovers Desk


Lovers Desk is a weekly series that explores the relationship struggles and exploits of young Africans. It showcases the hidden love and hurt stories that are rarely shared or discussed, helping you see through their lens and draw lessons for your own love life.


I and Nze had been dating for 3 years before he decided to travel to the states.

He was in every sense of the word, my first love and we would talk about our future together all time.

In my mind at the time, there was no world that could ever exist where Nze was not a part of my life.

He travelled to the states in 2014 for better opportunities and greener pastures. I  remember very vividly our last moments together before he travelled the next day.

I remember the fear that gripped me. This was the love of my life and here he was about to leave me in a completely different continent.

What if we never saw each other again?

What if he forgets me?

What if he finds someone better?

Long distance relationship

All these questions plagued my mind. I wanted my love journey to begin and end with him.

The first year after he travelled to the states was tough on us both. We tried as much as we could to communicate to each other everyday but it was so hard. I had a 9-5 job and in the US he was working 2 jobs at the same time.

Between our jobs and the obvious time difference, we did not have enough time for each other.

This was a person I was used to being around all the time, so it was very hard to adjust to.

After the first initial year, the second year was a lot easier for us.

We  established a routine and schedule for each other and made a rule to speak to each other for 30 minutes each day.

We had to deliberately squeeze out those moments from our time. It helped us a lot. During work days it became something i l looked forward to; my 30 minutes conversation with him.

Besides that, we also tried to text each other consistently and send pictures frequently.

Things seemed  perfect for a while between us, until we had a big fight. We temporarily broke up after the fight but when we came back together, we found out that the dynamic of things had changed a lot.

The easy banter that existed between us had changed and we were beginning to struggle with making conversations.

On my part, I was still very in love with him but found myself unable to communicate my feelings properly to him. From talking to each other for long minutes every day, we resorted to 2 just or 3 times a week.

It was obvious that there was a deep gap that existed between us and our relationship was beginning to seem like so much struggle. At the time, it had already been 4 years since we saw each other physically. I was beginning to get very discouraged and my family and friends did not make me feel any better.

There were a lot of stories online about females who waited for their boyfriends in Nigeria unknown to them that their supposed boyfriends where in a committed relationship with other people and sometimes even married. Those were trying moments for me, still I clung to our relationship.

On the 17th of May, 2018, he called me and told me he would be coming back to Nigeria in 2 months time.

I tried as much as possible not to get my hopes or expectations up because at the time our conversations had heavily dwindled.

When he came back to Nigeria finally after fours years of being apart, I remember thinking things would be so awkward between us at our first meet up.

How wrong I was!

The moment I saw him and hugged him, it was like a new wave of love had flooded inside me. I looked into his eyes and I could tell that our feelings mirrored each other. We cried and laughed and cried again, it was the second most emotional moment of my life. The only other emotional moment that topped that euphoric moment was when Nze got on his knees and proposed to me. This was 5 weeks after his arrival back to Nigeria.

Of course I said yes.

We had a small court wedding and shortly after that I followed him to the US and since then we have been able to establish a life and family together.

My advice to people in long distance relationship is this; Where there is love, there is hope and where there is hope there is a future.

Do not let the society try to mar your relationship, figure out what works best for you and your partner and stick with it.

If you are dedicated and commited in making your long distance relationship work, I assure you, it will work. It will not be an easy journey but it will be completely worth it. A long distance relationship can be just as beautiful and as worth it as any other kinds of relationship. Do not ever let people tell you otherwise.

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