Pride Goeth Before Your Relationship Faileth: The Story of Adisa and Shalewa
It was going to be a beautiful day but Shalewa had other plans. She was married to a Man who loved her and would do anything for her. She was rich but he wasn’t that rich.
They both grew up under deep African and religious beliefs and culture that gave the man a headship position. She didn’t care much about respecting culture and religion and he didn’t mind. She made a lot of money but was not great at investing it. Shalewa’s husband, Adisa forced her into buying a landed property while he also devoted his time to see the building complete.
Yes, Adisa was not rich neither was he really poor. He only made enough to live by compared to Shalewa. However, Adisa had a good heart. The kind of Man who would stay committed to any woman he commits to.
After the first house was completed, Shalewa started to accuse Adisa of stealing her money. Adisa denied and always gave the report of every money spent. Shalewa’s behaviour was fueled by her family members and society women friends who believed that Adisa was not good enough for her. She sadly believed them and began to act up.
She would insult Adisa and disregard him at every slight opportunity but Adisa persevered and hoped that she would come to her senses. One afternoon, Adisa quickly dashed home to pick something he forgot when he left in the morning. He met Shalewa and her family members denigrating him and encouraging his woman to leave him.
He went in and dashed out as though nothing had happened; lost as to the next line of action. He had brought in all their pastors and church leaders to intervene in their marriage. Sadly, his wife always ends up insulting them.
A few hours later on the same day, Shalewa went to Adisa’s shop and said to him ‘I am leaving you. Should I drop your son or go with him? She was referring to their last child who was just two years old. They both had four children before this madness played out.
How do you live with a man and give birth to four children for him, only for you to wake up and decide it’s better to be single? If you were abused, we may understand. If he wasn’t working towards your success, it may be justifiable.
The relationship between Shalewa and Adisa is like many others that have failed but only did because they allowed pride and ego to dominate their better judgment.
Today, Adisa is no more. He remarried after many years of waiting for his wife to come back. After visiting and pleading with his wife to reconsider. You see, Adisa was the head usher of his church. He was being groomed to become a pastor in his denomination. His church had a policy that made it impossible for a divorcee to become a pastor. So, Adisa never believed in divorce. The day his wife left, his life changed. His dreams changed.
After a few years, he accepted his fate and decided to remarry. This was when Shalewa realized that Adisa is her property. She began to fight tooth and nail for Adisa’s attention but she was doing more harm than good. Adisa got remarried to a widow and Shalewa continues to call the widow an intruder who came to destroy her love and marriage to Adisa.
Someone said ‘He whom the gods want to destroy, they first make mad’. This is the summary of Shalewa’s life. She was mad at Adisa and everyone who encouraged her to stay without knowing that she was signing the papers of her own destruction.
Marriage is not a do or die affair but when you find a good partner, hold on to him or her. I didn’t say a perfect partner. I meant a good partner who is willing to be the kind of Man or woman you desire.
Although Adisa is now late Shalewa still lives. Her four children are grown, married and become parents. She remained single but with regrets of what could have been but never was. The only house she ever built was the one Adisa helped her built even though she was rich enough at the time to have owned multiple houses. The other house Adisa started for her before their separation laid waste. She is no longer the boisterous and self-reliant woman she used to be. Everyone acknowledges that she would have become a superwoman had her marriage worked.
Again, If you have followed my work well, you will know that I am for divorce only after you have tried all else and it has failed. And I do not believe that marriage is the gateway to heaven.
However, in this case, and just like many cases, before a marriage fails or a relationship break up, pride and ego have often been rolled out first. Situations like these:
‘I am a better man and any woman but my wife would be lucky to have me’
‘I won’t call because I don’t want him to feel too important’
‘I will never apologize to him or her’
‘She can go, I don’t care. There are many fishes in the ocean’
‘I am rich and well to do, I don’t need him/her in my life’.
ANY marriage can work. We only need to get rid of pride and ego. I believe this with every fibre of my being and this is what I help people do. I help make Happy Marriages Common. As long as you are both willing to do what is required, we can both send divorce, breakups, and unhappiness on a long vacation away from us. I have a free 30 days tool that can help you enjoy and not endure marriage.
Shalewa (not real name) is my mum and Adisa was my father. I am the two-year-old boy that was dumped on Adisa’s tailor table. This is why I became a relationship coach and why I started LoveLife.NG – Nigeria’s first love and lovers site. Note: I love my mum!