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When Passion Leaves, What Remains?



                 LOVERS DESK

Lovers Desk is a weekly series that explores the relationship struggles and exploits of young Africans. It showcases the hidden love and hurt stories that are rarely shared or discussed, helping you see through their lens and draw lessons for your own love life.

                           My Story

I was 18 years when I got married. I was so in love with the man I got married toand the chemistry we had was super intense.

He was 25 and was a very energetic and virile male.

When we first got married, we used to do everything together. We were always in each other’s spaces and our sex life could win an Oscar performance.

It was a beautiful Union for the first couple of years. We were that couple that people would stop and stare at. During weddings, the MCs would always notice us and in the club other couples would part ways and look at us. We were undeniable drawn to each other.


It wasn’t just that we were in love, we were very passionate about our love.

5 years after we got married, I became pregnant. My husband was super attentive throughout the entire pregnancy experience. When I thought we couldn’t get any closer, we got even more closer and intimate.

We spoke A lot about our baby on the way, and how we would make out time for ourselves even when the baby arrived.

My pregnancy was quite tough, but my husband made it much easier to deal with.

Then comes the baby!


During the 10th month of my pregnancy, after a 6 hour long labor, our baby girl came into the world. And that is where everything started to change.

As happy as we were, a new baby brought a new kind of exhaustion into our lives.

I could barely work while taking care of my daughter and my husband stared to slack at work too because he was very intentional about helping out.

I’m a firm believer in taking of my child alone, so I did not want to employ the services of a maid especially with the numerous abuse stories that exist already.

Our sex life gradually reduced, and we went from having sex 3-5 times a week to having sex 2-3 times a month.


At some point, I started to dread having sex with him. It just became another chore cos I was always exhausted with the house chores and taking care of a new baby.

Barely a year after I put to bed, I got pregnant again. This time around, I had twins. The work load for me because even worse.

My husband was also doing the best he could do but he had his work and it was beginning to affect it greatly.

We both soon started to get irritated with each other easily. The passion we held over the years was slowly starting to dwindle

It got to a pint, where we started to deliberately avoid each other even while in the same house.


What broke the camel’s back was when he decided to move to a smaller room because of our constant bickering.

Our sex life reduced even more than it already had.

It’s been over 15 years since we got married and I’m still trying to recover our lost passion. It’s hard to find these days to be honest.

What now makes up most of my days are my children and all the housekeeping I have to get to.

Between that and my remote job, there’s little or no time for passion to exist between i and my husband.


Recently, I started thinking of the good old days and how we can work our way back to it.

I know it’s not going to be easy, but, I’m intentional about bringing back the flame of passion that once burned so brightly In our Union.

I’m hopeful, that one day, we will be able to rekindle our lost passion.

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