LOVERS DESK
Lovers Desk is a weekly Lovelife.ng series that explores the relationship struggles and exploits of young Africans. It showcases the hidden love and hurt stories that are rarely shared or discussed, helping you see through their lens and draw lessons for your own love life.
(Chisom’s Story)
Chisom broke up with her boyfriend because she realised her mental health was involved and she needed to love herself more. It was hard but she still took that step…Nobody Deserves What She Has Gone Through With Dubem.
When Did You Two Start Dating?
Chisom: Sometime in October 2019. I really can’t remember because we just woke up one morning and decided we were partners.
It wasn’t an official romantic “will you be my girlfriend” kinda thing. I see. What would you say attracted him to you and what attracted you to him?
Chisom: I think I got attracted to the fact that he is a listener and he makes me feel like I’m having a sensible conversation even though I’m saying rubbish. Lol! Staying around him could never be dull. It was always fun and I looked forward to it. On the other hand, I feel like he was attracted to my cute baby face, the fact that I have a lot to gist about and I’m excessively caring.
Your cute face couldn’t keep him for life. What do men even want? Ok, let’s move forward. Do you think it was toxic? Don’t answer based on the fact that you have broken up now, with all sincerity, please.
Chisom: It was a toxic relationship at some point. I’m going to go into a little bit of detail. Don’t feel sorry for me, I’m ok now.
Sure.
Chisom: Firstly, I want to start by saying that there are always two sides to a story but I know I’m not writing anything defamatory against him. My ex did a lot of things but I will just mention three. Maybe if I can have part 2 then I can continue.
Part Two? Is It That Deep?
Chisom: Guess you’ll have to find out. So I’d known Dubem for 2 years before we started dating. We were good friends when he was still a student, and when he graduated I was still a student. On a very good day he reached out to me and we talked for a while. He asked me to come to visit him and when I did, I enjoyed his company so much. The next time he faked an illness and asked me to come over which I did. The funny thing was that at some point I knew he was faking it but I wanted to see him so I went regardless, one thing led to another and we got used to ourselves he would be the first person I called to talk about anything.
So did you ever ask him if he liked you or you know? Some men are like that, so we don’t end up reading meanings.
Chisom: I asked him severally to be sure I wasn’t feeling alone and he said it was mutual. For a moment I thought I had become Cinderella, but things started changing. I think he figured I really loved him because I made sure I told him every time. I became the only one doing the calls and when I asked him he would say, “you know I buy data instead of card” ok I took it upon myself to understand what that statement meant. I will buy the recharge card every time to call him some of my friends started mocking me with words like, “have you bought card for cuebobo today?”
Ok pick my call, he’ll still give excuses. He’ll tell me he was busy. Oya call back when you are done, still nothing. There was a time when I called him and he said he was in Lagos, he lives in Asaba. The funny thing was that we spoke a day before and he never felt it was necessary to tell me. Then the next day I called again and he said he was on his way back to Asaba. In the evening that day, I called him to know if he had arrived safely and didn’t pick up my calls. I was so worried so I started calling his flatmates but they said he wasn’t back. When he finally picked up, I shouted at him cause I was worried and do you know the next thing he said to me? YOU ARE JOBLESS THAT IS WHY YOU ARE LOOKING FOR ATTENTION. It was because of him I started to do business so nobody will insult me again.
One time I was sick and I needed to do an operation, my boyfriend had a car but I went alone to the hospital. I called him that the operation was about to begin Dubem was nowhere to hold my hands. The day I was discharged, the doctor said I lacked blood so I would need lots of fruit. I asked my friend who signed as the guardian for me at the hospital if my boyfriend had called all through my stay and she said he didn’t. Hmmmm. I called him o was discharged and was ready to leave and he told me I should enter Keke (tricycle). I begged him to get me fruit and he didn’t still get it. I cried bitterly that day. He apologized and I forgave him because I was a fool for love.
This Is so deep that I can’t help but feel bad.
Chisom: That’s not all but I’ll round up here. I had this roommate I won’t call her name, we were friends and roommates for 4 years or so. Dubem invited my roomie over to his place because we were having issues and in their defence he wanted to talk about me..lols and his house is the perfect spot. I was calling her to know if she had gotten to her destination and if who she went to see was treating her well and my so-called friend was in my guy’s house ..to cut the story short when the truth came out she said he wanted to touch her but she resisted and in his defence he said she was tempting him and he almost fell for it…my dear readers this story no clear. WHAT A LIFE …LET ME GO PLS.
We’ll let you go soon. Was there ever a break in your relationship with Dubem?
Chisom: We broke up like 5 times and came back together, I guess because I was always available and he knew I was in love with him..he never laid his hands on me even though I was annoying on my part too. He was a jealous lover but he tried to hide it.
Omo. You deserve Two years’ supply of sprite and pure bliss wafers. What was the point you felt it was going to end in tears?
Chisom: When I sent him a lengthy heartfelt message about how I feel and he replied with ‘K’ not even ‘OK’
So that was when you knew he didn’t care? Someone that told you to enter Keke after surgery, you were not expecting K..you were in love. So who broke up the relationship?
Chisom: I broke up with him because I knew and noticed that my mental health was getting involved and I needed to love myself more than him although it hurts or should I say it still hurts.
It still hurts? Girl, you are still in your feelings after all he did. Did you ever think it would lead to marriage?
Chisom: Yes I thought it would have led to marriage but the fuck up be say na only me dey thought my partner no follow me dey think
You sound fine. Impressive. Who Influenced who more? Like who would you say made more impact in the other person’s life?
Chisom: We both touched each other one way or the other, financially, spiritually, the way we think and emotionally
Hmmm, I’m going to believe that. So have you learnt your lesson and what are the things you’ll do better or you’ll not do in your next relationship? ABI you don give up on love?
Chisom: Yea I’ve learnt my lesson. It will take the grace of God to make me fall in love like that again and now I have lots of trust issues and I no dey cry for guy again omo unless I fake am. I just hope I will open up again till then we move.
Will you like to pass a message to Dubem the heartbreaker?
Chisom: Well my message to him is…Dabingo dabalaya, big boy in town, I enjoyed our relationship when the drugs hadn’t kicked in yet and I pray u become a better lover cause trust me you shouldn’t allow anyone to go through what I went through… NOBODY DESERVES THAT. EVERYONE DESERVES LOVE
