Dear Universe,
I’ve probably given up on love at this moment. I don’t think I can bear it anymore. The lies, the pain, the fact that I love so hard and I’m not loved right back, it hurts. I want to be strong, I pretend to be strong but everything still hurts. I don’t know what to do anymore. Is there a book on steps to be a perfect girlfriend? Or how to be the girl he’ll never want to leave?
It’s funny how you give someone your all and they still mess you up. Sometimes, I want to change. I don’t want to be the good girl anymore. I want to be bad. Date like three men at a time, spend their money and break up with them like they don’t matter. Do they matter? Why do I even care? Why was my heart made like this? Why do I love so easily? Why do I get the bad ones?
I asked my best friend that day and she replied with the most shocking answer. “It’s not like you are getting the bad ones. The truth is, there are no good ones anymore, that is all there is.” I was heartbroken that day. All my hope to find the most amazing boyfriend was shattered. Even after she answered me, I still went ahead to love. Now, look at me, here again, on the cold street of singleness, because I decided to give another son of Adam a second chance. Maybe I made a mistake, maybe the problem was me. I did everything to make myself feel better and I made excuses for all of them. For all the monsters that walked into my life and walked out with a piece of me. A good piece. They gradually fed on my good side now I’m 92% evil and 8%good.
My next relationship, if I’m ever going to be in a relationship, you see Jaruma? I’m going to get Kayanmata from her. I’m going to show these wicked people that at the end of the day, I can play the card better. I don’t care how people are going to see me after this. I don’t care if they say the society this and the society that. I’m going to use Kayanmata to lock the next man. As long as I don’t have to kill a soul for this, I’ll do it. I’ll make him do anything for me as I did anything for them, he will be a fool to me as I was a fool to them, he will attend to all my needs as I attended to them.
This is my revenge. If you find love, hold on to it because this street is cold, there’s nothing here except a bunch of heartbroken people who are ready to jump into another relationship without healing and then they break up after 3 months.
My relationship with him will be different because now, he’ll be under my spell. He’s going to do my bidding because I’ve suffered for way too long. I don’t know how far I can go with it but I’m going to do it anyway. I’ll do it for like three guys at a time and make them crazy in love with me. I’ll ignore their calls without reason and talk to them whenever I feel like it. They have to feel how I felt. Those nights I cried when he treated me like a stranger. This is not the man I used to know. He changed immediately after we had sex, he didn’t even hide it or pretend to stay longer. He changed to beast mode immediately. This picture of him saying he loves me runs through my mind as I write to you. Instead of doing this to another man, I might just go back to him with the Kayanmata. Let him suffer a little for what he had done to me. This particular man, I’m going to take all his money, no mercy because he doesn’t deserve it.
I want to do all these things but I’m scared that I’ll feel extremely sad because I have a heart. Well, it’s broken, maybe I might just be the monster they made after all.
Yours Truly
A friend with multiple heartbreaks💔💔
