Idris was a monster. The years I spent with him are regarded as wasted years because I didn’t achieve anything, instead, I lost. He is the most terrible person the world can find.
The Perfect Beginning
We got married in 2019. I was so happy that day, it was in August. Before marriage, when we were just courting, Idris was the most amazing person. I know people will say he must have shown signs but I’m telling you there were no signs. He was the perfect boyfriend. He was a Christian and I’m a Christian, so it was good. My friends liked him for me, my parents too, and I also loved him for myself. If there was any sign that he had such a terrible flaw then the sign would be that he was too perfect to not have wronged.
When we got married in August, everything was calm and peaceful. We would cook together because we both had work, and we shared the house chores so that the workload won’t be too much on anyone so you can imagine how amazing this felt. It was the perfect start. Till I gave birth
A Warm-Up
When I gave birth to our first child, Busola, I expected things to get better because, in every new marriage, the first child always brings joy. I can’t say my child didn’t bring me joy, she did. It was that beast in a human’s body that destroyed our home. When I gave birth, as usual, I was given maternity leave at the office so I was home. The issue started when I wanted to return to work. Idris said I couldn’t go back to work again, that I’m to be a full housewife now that I’ve given birth.
When I heard the statement, I was thinking it was a joke because what kind of stupid decision was that? A decision about my life and he didn’t consult me? We had a little fight about it and it ended in nothing because we both disagreed. You are the father of this child, I’m the mother, we are both parents. Why am I the one to give up my career for ‘our’ child? Why can’t he do that and I’ll be going to work? The funny thing was that I was the one taking care of the family…..I earned 4 times what he earned and I should be the one to quit? Does he know how much diapers are sold? I was so pissed that day but I never showed it. I tried to tell him that we could get a nanny but he didn’t think that way. I told him I would be paying because I knew his problem was money but he still didn’t agree. This is a man that didn’t earn up to 100k and he wanted me to quit and leave him to feed and fend for three people?
I was the one paying for our rent so I honestly wanted to keep my job. Aside from the money, I loved it so much. I made friends from there. At the end of two weeks of back and forth, my husband finally convinced me to stay at home…I resigned and this was just the beginning of the madness that was about to come.
The End
After a while, things started to fall apart. Idris was unable to fend for us as he should. I started taking it out of my savings. I was bullied for using my savings. He started by shouting at me and asking me why I was saving the money if not to use it for our family. I used up everything and gradually, things became bad. My baby started taking adult milk because he couldn’t afford baby milk. It was a terrible situation. Thinking about it, I think I really tried. I was very patient with Idris.
One day, Idris came home very late and drunk. I was very surprised because I knew him to be an occasional drinker and not someone that will leave for the office and coke back drunk. He asked for food and I gave him. It was a Friday evening. I tried to speak to him that day but he didn’t listen, he kept on grumbling about how I disturbed his peace. I left him eventually cause I wanted to talk about food and money and I felt it wasn’t the right time for it since he was drunk. I wasn’t happy, it was an irresponsible act.
The next morning, which was a Saturday, we woke up and I started to clean. Sometime around 2 pm, I felt he was ok and I could speak to him about what was bothering me. I went to sit next to him on the bed and the next thing he started shouting. The way I’m quiet and I came to sit beside him, It shouldn’t be to disturb him for money. I was mad because I warned him. He was the one that asked me to quit my job and that I shouldn’t ask for money. I was so pissed. I told him he had to give me money for our child and that I had to get money for the house too. So he dared me to come and collect the money from him. He came back home drunk, do you know how much they sell alcohol? Then, he was drunk, meaning he drank a lot. I told him that he was irresponsible and he can’t even take care of his wife and one child and that’s how Idris got up and slapped me. Why am I saying slap? He beat me.
When Did This All Start?
It started in February of 2021. The day he slapped me was in February but I quit my job in 2020 so I’ll say it started in 2020.
The End That Ended Everything
That day after he hit me. A lot of things were going on in my mind. At first, I wanted to pick up my bags and run with my daughter but I couldn’t. I loved Idris so I stayed. I blamed myself for making him so angry because I had never seen him like that.
When things started to get worse was when Idris lost his job. He still didn’t let me look for a job. You can see he was possessed and a very wicked man. He was sent from hell to frustrate me but my God gave me the wisdom to leave. It was so bad that he would talk me into begging my siblings for money. They didn’t know what was going on in my home because I pretended that everything was fine. On several occasions, he would hit me and later apologize. It was a routine and I started to get used to it, to get used to living with this stranger because he was far gone. The Idris I knew was far gone.
The day he crossed the line was when he killed my child. Idris! (Sniffs) It will never be well with him. I was 4 months pregnant and that day Idris came back home in the evening and asked for food. I was not trying to be stubborn but God knows I didn’t lie to him when I said there was no food. He raised his voice and then I asked him when was the last time he dropped money.
He always went out in the morning and came back in the evening when he was not working. What he did with his day was unknown to me. He didn’t even bother to find a new job.
After asking him when last dropped money, we had a big argument and I received the beating that killed my baby. I was rushed to the hospital and when I gained consciousness, I heard the news and I wanted to kill him, to poison him but I couldn’t. But I promised myself that I would never go back. Busola deserves better, I deserved better. He came into my hospital room and I realised he had told the nurses that I fell. Unfortunately, I wasn’t awake to defend myself. After I was discharged, I carried my things and my child out of the house. He never ran after me or begged for the child. I know I might sound funny but it was like he was sent to do all this to me just like Satan was sent to do those things to Job in the Bible. I’m in a better place now. I’m working and I’m a single mother who doesn’t wish to marry anymore.
— Banke. O.
