The sad fact is that many young people don’t date because they want to choose a life partner. They date someone for now. They date to have fun and choose to date someone who will provide that fun. They don’t pick a partner that’ll provide long term stability (a life partner).
Even though we’ve finished high school a long time ago and many of us are also done with university. We still look at dating with a very childish eye. Good looks matter, having fun matters too, however, even selecting a life partner, there are other things that matter more.
Do you really want to marry your high school love? To worry if your partner is going to help you take care of your aging parents? Or show up to your kid’s parent-teacher conference? Or nurse you back to health after contracting an illness?
Those probably aren’t the questions you ask yourself when you first meet someone. The answers have little bearing on whether you want to kiss the person or go out with them again. But when you’re looking for a long-term partner, you want someone who will be there for you during the highs and the lows. Someone you can rely on. Someone to make decisions with.
There are many people with whom you can have a ‘fun’ time but far fewer with whom you can build a life. When you’re thinking about who to marry, don’t ask yourself: What would a love story with this person look like? Instead, ask: Can I make a life with this person? That’s the fundamental question.
What really matters
Not only do we undervalue the qualities that matter for long-term relationships, we overvalue irrelevant ones. People tend to fixate on certain superficial characteristics and ignore the far more important factors that are correlated with long-term relationship happiness (more on those in a moment).
Superficial qualities like looks and money matter less for long-term relationship success than people think they do because lust fades and people adapt to their circumstances. The same goes for similar personalities and similar hobbies.
If you want to find a Life Partner, look for someone with the following traits: loyalty, kindness, emotional stability, and a growth mindset. You want a person with whom you can grow, make hard decisions, and argue with constructively.
IN CONCLUSION
As you may have noticed by now, the superficial traits that are easy to notice when you first meet someone like their looks or status are the things that matter less if you’re thinking of a long term relationship. The ones that really matter in a long term relationship are not so easy to discern until you’re in a relationship or at least gone out a number of times. So, I’ll end this with encouraging you to change your approach from that of a teenager and focus on what really matters. Love and light, Wonder.
READ ALSO: https://lovelife.ng/first-year-relationships-4-must-know-tips/
