We’ve said it many times and we’ll say it again. The ‘honeymoon phase’ of any relationship shouldn’t be when you make long term commitments because you could overlook the early signs. Ironically, I have made the mistake of making a long term commitment during that stage of a relationship and I understand you, trust me. The vibe is good, you seem to match, they tick your boxes and you decide to make a commitment.
However, if your goal is a long term relationship, you need to keep your eyes open and clear of any of the romance tinted lenses so you see your partner clearly and be aware of the early signs that predict if it’ll last long term.
True, relationships get deeper and wax stronger over time and a little bit of a shaky beginning doesn’t mean the relationship is over. However, it’s not very wise to overlook all the early signs because often, the beginning of a relationship predicts how things will play out.
It might feel like you’re not giving it a chance if you’re actively looking out for red flags in a new relationship, but you’re actually much better off if you notice something that has you questioning the future of your relationship early on: that way, you’ll have a chance to address it before any resentment builds or you waste more of your precious time. If you want to make sure that your new partner has real potential. Here are nine early signs that could predict your new relationship isn’t going to last
- You *Only* Feel Passion/Lust
In the honeymoon phase, it’s totally normal to get swept up in a passionate whirlwind of lust, and feel like you can’t get enough of your new partner. But if you feel like your relationship is based solely on this intense, passionate, gotta-have-them feeling, and there’s not a lot else you have in common, that’s a sign that things won’t last when the intense passion fades out.
If you ‘fell head over heels in love’ you can just as easily fall out of love. Holding on to your partner as the passionate love diminishes, when there is no other glue in the relationship, doesn’t work of course, because the tighter you hold, the more slippery your partner becomes. If you have common interests and empathic communication, that is the glue that can hold a relationship together even after the passion wanes.
- You Feel Like You Can’t Fully Be Yourself
For a relationship to last long-term, it’s so important to feel like you can always be your genuine, authentic self around your partner. If you just started dating, it might take a bit for you to open up, and that’s OK — but if you find yourself walking on eggshells lest you slip up and reveal part of yourself you don’t want to share with your partner, that’s unsustainable in the long run.
When we leave out any authentic part of our self; whether it be the angry part, depressed part, or playful part, then we are setting up the relationship to stay on the surface, which will not support long-term potential.
- Your Partner Communicates Infrequently
Every couple has different standards for how much or little they communicate with each other, but in the beginning of a relationship, it doesn’t bode well for the future if you feel like your partner doesn’t prioritize you, and communicates less frequently than you’d like.
There are no hard rules on how ‘responsive’ someone needs to be, and it’s equally important to be patient. However, remember, don’t be overly patient with someone who will end up wasting your time.
- You Don’t Like Their Friends
The company we keep says a lot about who we are, and if you realize early on that you can’t stand your partner’s friends, that could indicate that you’re not really compatible long-term.
We chose our friends, and often times, we chose people that are similar to us in some way. If you find that you don’t like their friends, be aware that your newest love might have some qualities in some of those friendships you don’t like.
- You Notice Your Partner Adopting All Your Interests
In any long-term relationship, both partners need to be independent to some degree, and have their own unique interests and hobbies that are separate from their partner. If you notice that your new partner immediately tries to adopt all the same interests as you, that could be a red flag that they’ll be too dependent on you for their happiness in the future.
You love classical music? Suddenly they do as well. You love dogs? Next thing, they have a puppy. You like dancing? They’ve enrolled in five classes. When the twinship is too strong, the other partner often gets bored or suspicious of the other partner’s motive. After all, we like people for their own uniqueness, not for being like us.
- Your Feel Like Your Opinion Isn’t Valued
The foundation for any healthy long-term relationship is mutual respect, which means that both partner’s opinions are equally valued in any given situation. If you get the sense (whether subtle or not) that your partner values their own opinion above yours, that’s a sign they won’t make a great partner long-term.
It can feel like you are really being taken care of in the beginning when they plan everything; you don’t have to do any of the ‘work’ of dating. But does their monopoly extend to the topic of conversations, who you spend time with, or even opinions on current events? If your opinion is discounted or ignored, pay attention to this early sign.
- You Accept Their Faults, But They Don’t Accept Yours
The longer you’re with someone, the better you’ll get to know the ‘real’ them — which includes getting acquainted with each other’s faults and weirdness. If your new partner has an issue with some of your less-than-perfect qualities, but expects you to totally accept them with no questions asked, that doesn’t bode well for your romantic future together.
If the other person expects you to be forgiving and accepting of their faults but they are not forgiving or accepting of yours, this is not reasonable. No one is perfect, and we all have faults that need to be accepted. If you are going to be there for them, they need to be there for you as well.
- They Treat Others Poorly
In a new relationship, everyone is going to be on their very best behavior, which means that you should really pay attention to how your partner treats not just you, but those around him or her — because chances are that’s how they’ll treat you one day, too.
Look at how your partner treats their family, friends, and particularly service staff, like cashiers and waiters. Eventually, when the intense love fades, they’ll treat you this way, guaranteed.
- They’re Still Stuck On An Ex
It should go without saying, but if your new partner seems to still be stuck on an ex; even if all they do is talk badly about him or her — that’s an early sign that they aren’t interested in or ready for a long-term future with you.
This means that their heart truly belongs to their ex. If this is the case, all it will take is one instance where the ex is extra ‘nice’ or comes back to end the relationship.”
Of course, it’s ultimately your decision on what you can’t settle for in a relationship when it’s just starting. Just make sure you don’t get too lost in the moment and miss the early signs until it’s too late. If it’s not what you want in the long run and you’re looking for a long term relationship, it’s time to get yourself out of this one and out there again. Good luck, love and light, Wonder.