In movies, new couples start their relationships almost like they were created in the perfect world where rainbows and butterflies could be seen on every corner, but we all know that’s not the way real-life work. As a result of this, here are 5 tips to help new couples start a relationship the right way and also to figure out if it’s even worth sticking with.
- Focus on the present
It’s understandable and very natural for you to bring the fears and negative experiences you have as a result of past relationships to a new relationship; this is because you’re wary of getting heartbroken again. However, this same wariness that may prevent heartbreak can also prevent you from being truly happy in a new relationship.
For example, if your ex cheated on you, don’t distrust your new partner because of the past. Please focus on the qualities that make them different. If you trusted them enough to date, then trust them fully. Don’t start reflecting those negative feelings on your current partner.
Also, while the conversation about past loves and ‘dating history’ will be an important one, don’t rush into it. Please get to know your partner’s likes, dislikes, dreams, and personality during the first few dates while they also get to know yours.
- Discuss the future early
While you shouldn’t focus on the past, you should focus on the future instead. Of course, you don’t and shouldn’t rush these questions; but you don’t want to wait until after one year of dating to find out that they never want to get married if marriage is a non-negotiable for you. It’s not always fun to talk about the serious topics like life goals, religion, marriage, politics, etc., but naturally let them in on your deal-breakers to make sure you’re at least on the same page, as soon as you start to see a future together. Also, whether you’re looking for a long-term relationship or are looking for more of a casual fling, let them know; no one likes being deceived.
- Find the person attractive, not the idea of a relationship.
Sometimes, a lot of us want to be in a relationship so desperately that we don’t even realize when we’re more attracted to the idea of a relationship that the person we’re in a relationship with. If you’re so desperate for a relationship, you might overlook flaws and red flags that you shouldn’t because you’re already convinced that you have to make it work. Try and find out if you’re more attracted to your partner than just the relationship if they were not ‘the one’, would you still be attracted to them and want to spend time with them.
- Talk about sex
This should go without saying, but if you’re not comfortable talking to your partner about sexual health including STD testing, history, etc., then you’re not ready to be intimate, or perhaps they’re not someone you should be intimate with. Discuss your likes, dislikes, and what you are comfortable with doing and also what you’re not willing to do while listening to theirs without judgment. Oh, and don’t forget that the right time to be intimate is different for every couple; ignore society’s rules and remember that just one partner feeling ready is not enough.
- Meet Your Friends
You may be tempted to keep it all to yourself because the relationship is new. Meeting friends early on, however, is crucial. The way you communicate with each other’s clique can provide insight into your partner and what the relationship is going to be like. For instance, if all the friends of your partner are people with whom you would never get along, you may not know your partner as well as you think you do.
Similarly, it can illuminate potential red flags to have your new partner around your friends. Your friends might see something you don’t see or your partner might not get along with them as well as you had hoped if you both fit in seamlessly with each other’s group of friends, that creates a mutual friendship, which means that when you all get along well, you won’t have to choose between hanging out together or with friends.
Hope this helps some new couples and even those planning to get into relationships. Some long term couples might also need to assess if they’re attracted to their partners or the relationship.
