Yesterday, I got a ‘dm’ from a lady who wished to tell me her story, she said a friend said she has a problem of getting back with her exes and that it might be a generational curse, her story will be shared another day. For now though, I want to address why you keep getting back with your ex and no, one of the reasons is not ‘generational curse’.
AGE
Most people who do this are under the age of 25 and your brain continues to develop until you turn 25 and therefore you have less control over your impulses and the breakup might have just been an impulsive decision.
Since you may not have completely thought about breaking up, once you’ve had time to cool down, you might end up regretting your decision later. That’s why taking a little time after getting into a war to calm down and think it over before making any big decisions is definitely a smart idea.
AFTER BREAKING UP, YOU KEPT HOOKING UP
More than half of young people continue getting physical and intimate with their ex, as reported by a 2012 study. Even if your goal is only to hook up without getting entangled emotionally again it is harder than you would think to keep the two apart. Hooking up activates a hormone called oxytocin in your brain that makes you more likely to feel linked again. And even though you do hook up as buddies, your ex may not be able to move the same way.
IT BRINGS EXCITEMENT
This happens a lot with celebrities and it’s often because they’ve become addicted to the excitement that comes with this process of breaking up and getting back together because they didn’t add excitement and adventure in healthier ways.
If you truly want to make the relationship succeed, instead of choosing fights, learn to bring joy into your relationship in better ways, such as by arranging cool dates (amusement parks, road trips, picnics, etc.).
YOU’RE STILL SOCIAL MEDIA BUDDIES
With the amount of social media in the world today, it’s almost impossible to ignore your ex unless you deliberately and permanently. It’ll be difficult to move on if your ex is just a few taps away from your phone.
It will cause a little release of oxytocin, the bonding hormone, if you see a snapshot of them or hear their speech in a recording. The blast of oxytocin makes it even harder for your ex to let go. But try unfollowing them for a bit if you’re committed to moving on.
YOU’RE AFRAID OF NOT FINDING SOMEONE ELSE
“Young love can be passionate, and if it’s first love, even more so,” Gandhi says. “We often think that we will never find love like this again, and stay with something that just isn’t working out of fear.” It’s terrifying to leave a relationship that’s so deep and unique, even though you realize the relationship is not right for you in the long run, the kind that can even feel like once-in-a-lifetime love. But if if you have discovered some kind of love of importance, you will find it again. An much bigger will be in store for the next one. This comes from a fear of being alone, learn to enjoy being single and you’ll enjoy being in love.
THINGS HAVE CHANGED
Perhaps you broke up when you were going to separate schools, or one of you was moving abroad for a semester. There may not actually have been bad feelings between you two, it’s just that a barrier was reached by your friendship. Luckily, you could be back together soon, like when you’re both home from summer school again or back from studying abroad.
If you’ve overcome every road block you’ve experienced before, it’s understandable that you might be inclined to give a second chance to your partnership.
YOU ASSUME YOUR EX HAS CHANGED SINCE YOU BROKE UP
I personally think this is the case with the lady that spoke to me regarding one of the exes she went back to. Some exes do change for the better but not all exes do so before getting back together with an ex, resolve all the issued that you faced in the relationship to see if you two have a chance when going in for another round.
YOU HAVEN’T DEALT WITH THE BREAKUP
This is another reason I think is evident with the woman who shared her story with me. You may believe that focusing on a former relationship is not safe, but a Northwestern University study from 2015 showed that concentrating on a separation may potentially help you develop a better understanding of who you are as a single individual and help you feel less alone. So even if you know it’s not a good idea, if you’re tempted to get back together with your ex, this trick could help your brain and your heart get on the same page.
Hope you had a nice read. Signing off for today, love and light from Wonder
