OVERCOMING ‘NEEDINESS’ AND KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT IN A MAN
By Chris Chukwunyere
If you don’t know what you want in life, you will accept whatever life presents to you. If you do not have a clear picture of what you want in your dream man, when a good man comes your way, you will not be able to recognise him. Not only that, you will also be inclined to giving any man that shows interest in you a try. This is why many women fall prey to men who break their hearts.
You should never go into a relationship based on trial and error. He might be nice, but that’s not enough to let him into your life. If the idea of your dream man is tall, dark, handsome and rich, then you are far from leading your way to a real man’s heart. A real man is far deeper than that.
As a real woman, you should have standards and a criteria for choosing the kind of man you want to be with. These criteria must be well thought out. Because you are a beautiful, kind and amazing woman, many men will flock around you trying to win your heart. If you don’t have clear standards, you will be confused about who to end up with. As you well know men will most times be nice and caring when they want you, but if you have a clear picture of the kind of man you desire, many will naturally be disqualified.
I have seen many good women, fall for boys all because they want to get married on time. So they accept a man that seems “okay” and is ready to get married. Many of such promising women have gone into obscurity, lost relevance and faded away after bearing children. They lost out on achieving their dreams because they failed to clearly define and associate what they want out of life with what they want in a man. Never allow family, friends, circumstances or society define what you want, that is your responsibility. So I ask you again, what exactly do you want? Out of life and in your dream man?
YOU DON’T NEED A MAN TO BE HAPPY [For women]
Once during a mentoring session with a protégé of mine, we went into discussions about her relationships. She was actually in a confused state at that time because four guys were asking her out and all seemed to have the intention of marrying her. Being quite young and naive about marriage, I knew she needed help.
I asked her why she wanted to get married and she said because she needed the companionship that marriage provides. On probing further we both discovered that she felt lonely and thought getting married would make her happy. And of course all her friends were getting married and that put some pressure on her to do want to follow suit. Dear woman, the only person that can make you happy is you. Your happiness depends more on your choices than it does on what others say or do. If you do not discover the things that make you happy while single, you will not be happy being with a man.
Many have gone into relationships thinking it’s the job of their man to make them happy; he should cheer her up when she’s moody, entertain her when she’s bored and so forth. Sure a man can try to do these but if you base your happiness on what he does and doesn’t do, then you’ve already set that relationship up to fail. Many ladies don’t feel complete without being in a relationship with a man. Such a disposition makes one vulnerable to a lot of emotional casualties. Loneliness is a feeling, not a state of being. So it is not a permanent situation. Taking decisions based on feelings alone will lead you into problems. You need to deal with your mind to correct such a feeling.
A real man needs a woman who can create an atmosphere of happiness by herself for herself. Only then can she gracefully warm her way into his heart. When you think it takes a man in your life to make you happy, you will be at his mercy. You will be so dependent on him that you’ll only end up frustrating him by your “neediness”. Your heart won’t survive such a relationship.