My not So Imperfect Relationship

Amaka used to think her relationship was so imperfect because of the problems she felt she had but when she met other people with real-life problems, she realised that her Imperfect relationship was not so bad after all. 

Lovelife: Hey Champ. How are you feeling today?

Amaka: I’m alright. I’m doing great, thank you.

(Silence. Amaka starts to chuckle)

Lovelife: You already know you don commit.

Amaka: Everybody will be alright. I’m just going to tell this story anyway and however, people are going to take it, is their problem to face.

Lovelife: Energy!

Princess Treatment

I started dating Posi in 2017. We were in the talking stage for a really long time and I wanted to be sure that he was not pretending or lying to me. Now I normally tell people that they should not start what they cannot finish because it doesn’t end well.

When we first met and started talking, he was like a Korean boyfriend. People who watch Korean movies will get this. He was so… I don’t even know the word, all I know was that he treated me like we were in a movie. He definitely copied his script from there, opening the doors for me, bringing out the chairs when I wanted to sit, holding my hands and all. I honestly didn’t ask for this treatment, he started it. Now, it is good to always start what you can finish but in Posi’s case, he couldn’t or maybe he was pretending after all. When we started dating, he changed. He wasn’t as gentle as he used to be. No nice dinner or surprise gift, It just became like the regular relationship I used to know. My friends used to envy us because of everything and how much he spent on me but when we started dating, it changed

Lovelife: You wanted your friends to envy you?

Amaka: Who doesn’t? Like if you are not envied then you are not doing it right or you do not matter. Me I want to matter. I like to be the topic and Posi knew all these things before we started dating so it’s not my fault. I feel like he even made me what I am today because I always feel entitled to things. After all, that was the kind of life he exposed me to at first. You don’t start spoiling a child and then the next minute you tell the child you have lost your job and some expenses need to be slashed and you expect the child to understand, no.

Lovelife: Don’t you think you were being harsh on him?

Amaka: No, I didn’t think that way then. but now I understand that I was just being selfish.

Lovelife: What changed?

Amaka: People changed me. I heard about other relationships and when I said my problem, I was always treated like an ingrate. You know, hearing problems like, he’s cheating on me, he has anger issues, he doesn’t give me attention and all, and then I come with, he doesn’t open the door for me, he doesn’t pull out the chair and all…You get, people will just look at me and laugh and be like, ‘who be this?’ My friends would laugh anytime I complained because to them, I didn’t have real-life problems. I started to see things differently and I realised that Posi loves me. The treatment might be different from the first time we met but I understand that he tried to do everything to get me and thinking about that alone was nice. Knowing that someone loves you that much is nice.

Lovelife: How did he cope when you were acting up? Did you guys have a series of breakups? 

Amaka: Not series, we broke up once. He got frustrated with my attitude at some point but he didn’t break up with me. We had a series of fights and then I broke up. It was hard for me to be honest because I started to think and I was depressed. Many people will think I didn’t love him. Trust me, that was not the case because if it was love, I was in love with him.

I was ignorant and I thought if things weren’t my way then they were not the best for me. Throughout the short break, Posi kept reaching out. God knows that the tears I shed during that period can sustain someone for a year. The day I realized how foolish I was, was when a good friend spoke to me. She was my senior sister’s friend who became my friend because she visited my house daily. She spoke to me like no one else did and she added that I was being silly for a lot of reasons and I took his love for granted. To cut the long story short, her pep talk really opened my eyes.

My advice to couples who are still in the relationship stage; something might not be the way they were when he was trying to get you or it might be when you both get married but you need to understand that he loves you. In some cases, that might not be the issue. The aim is to figure it out to know the kind of attention to give it.

Lovelife: So you two are good cause I can see you are already doing relationship expert here

Amaka: Yes we are. My relationship was not imperfect after all.