Lovers Desk
Lovers Desk is a weekly Lovelife.ng series that explores the relationship struggles and exploits of young Africans. It showcases the hidden love and hurt stories that are rarely shared or discussed, helping you see through their lens and draw lessons for your own love life.
My Story
When I was 18, I had my first boyfriend. It was extremely heady and exciting. It was young love; beautiful, new, fascinating.
His name was Micheal. I was so into him in the way young love truly can be. Everything seemed so perfect between us, until one day, walked into his room and he had a girl lying on his arms.
It was even made worse when the girl only stared at me in confusion. She did not make any moves to leave the crook of his arms. I knew then, that she was not even aware I existed.
I didn’t need a fortunate teller to spell it out to me. He had been cheating on me, and from the look of things, it’s been a while.
I remember the blind anger I felt, my tears steaming down my cheeks as I walked the long distance back to my hostel. I had never really known what heartbreak felt like, till that day.
It hurt. It hurt a lot.
After some days, he called me and sent me numerous text messages. He apologized and even sent me gifts to my hostel. I was still so angry at him, but, I decided I was not ready to take him back.
However after two weeks, most of the anger had left me, I realized I was still very much in love with him. So, I accepted him back.
In time, I did forgive him but something just did not feel right. It was like a core aspect of our relationship had been broken, and try as much as we did, we couldn’t fix it back.
I started feeling rather strange in the relationship. I knew I had forgiven him, but I soon found out that I did not want to be in a relationship with him anymore.
He had been in good behavior since the cheating incident, so I did not want to hurt him by breaking up with him. I did not want to seem unforgiving.
So, I tried to work around our relationship. Maybe if I give it time, I thought to myself, I might begin to feel comfortable and secure in our relationship again.
I waited 3 months, but, that did not just happen. That was when I knew I had to call it off.
When I told Gabriel that I wanted to put an end to our relationship, he had started apologizing to me again. In his mind, I had still not forgiving him for what had happened earlier.
The truth is, I had forgiven him, but, i just did not feel right or comforted in our relationship anymore.
I realized I could forgive him and still let him go. I have to intentionally chose a situation that is right for my soul.
I explained all these to him and though it took him some time, he finally came around and we ended up breaking up amicably.
It’s important that you realize that it is possible to forgive someone and still not want to do anything with them.
