Moving On After A Toxic Relationship

When one is in a toxic relationship, it seems like it’ll be impossible to escape. Well, we have some advice for you to help you break free from a toxic relationship.

A toxic relationship can be addictive, destructive and incredibly painful. Once we’re in them, it can seem impossible to break away.

Whether it’s because we rely on our partner emotionally or we’re too scared to leave or our self-esteem has been damaged slowly over the years, it can often seem easier to stay in an unhealthy, toxic relationship for the rest of our lives than to end it.

We’ve compiled the eight key steps needed to move away from a toxic relationship once and for all.

1. Realise that you deserve healthy love

Part of the problem with leaving toxic relationships is believing that we can change the impossible and turn the dysfunctional “love” into a healthy relationship.

If we don’t believe we are deserving of a caring, thoughtful, attentive partner, we often attract partners who don’t believe it either.

Start loving yourself flaws and all. A partner should be lucky to be with you. The more you believe you deserve healthy love the more you will identify the “red flags” and attract a functional relationship.

2. Accept that the relationship was toxic

It’s tempting to look back on past relationships, toxic or not, with a romantic hue overlooking the complex reasons the relationship had to end. We can only truly cope with the loss of the relationship by fully accepting and understanding all that was wrong with it.

Leaving any relationship, toxic or not, creates a grief response similar to loss. The individual has to go through the stages of accepting that the relationship was toxic and that leaving was the best option. Once that happens, the individual has to go through emotions such as hurt, anger, loss and sadness. However, once the adjustments happen, the coping becomes easier.

3. Remember who you are

You were a person before you were in a toxic relationship, but it can often be hard to remember who you were before the toxicity began to chip away at your sense of self-esteem. Healing is all about remembering your values and realising that you do deserve a healthy relationship.

Self-compassion is key to ensuring you can survive the backlash of leaving this type of relationship. This process is about getting to know yourself and your worth and recognising that what you had was not healthy for your wellbeing.

4. Take practical steps to help you cope

When strong emotions are involved, what you decide one day can take a back seat the next day. You can leave your partner and then find yourself giving him/her a second chance hours later. That’s why we recommend you take practical steps to stop your emotions getting the better of you.

Toxic relationships often involve intensity, both emotional and physical, so choose a place where your partner would be embarrassed to get out of control.

5. Don’t wait for an apology or closure

One of the most painful things that come with ending a toxic relationship is the lack of closure but is the person who caused you so much pain really going to apologise and admit their wrongdoings.

When ending a toxic relationship, many people are looking for closure or an apology for the pain or heartache. That apology almost never comes, and people end up feeling worse about things than they did when the conversation started.

No matter how much we want someone to change, know that they need to adjust their behaviour, and only they can make the decision to make any alterations in their lives.

We need to know that we did not deserve the poor treatment, and that the best thing we can do for ourselves is to move on and genuinely know in our hearts that we deserve better.

6. Embrace forgiveness

If we’ve spent months or even years with someone who chips away at our sense of self-esteem, and we’ve finally taken the bold step of ending the relationship, forgiveness can seem an impossible task. A lot of us think that we have to wait until feelings of hurt and anger are resolved before we can forgive someone.

However, this is not always so. Forgiveness is actually a deliberate and intentional act. It is a decision that restores energy, possibility, and integrity to your life.

If we don’t manage to find the strength to forgive those who have hurt us, the past pain can end up affecting our present and future relationships.

However, forgiveness can change your past and the present by helping you give it a different purpose.

7. Fill the void and surround yourself with positivity

Surrounding yourself with positivity can have an all-encompassing effect on your outlook.

This is a time to focus on your strengths and embrace the new life you are about to embark on. Self-love and self-care is a priority during this healing time. Surround yourself with people who will have a bright, positive presence in your life. People that support, care and encourage what is best for you.

8. Remember it won’t always be easy

Just as breaking out of a toxic relationship is difficult, surviving once you’re in a new, single world is hard too and you should prepare for the challenges leaving will bring.

Stepping out again into the big wide world can feel overwhelming to the point that you don’t even know who you are anymore.

Be kind to yourself but don’t become a victim of what happened to you. Don’t feel pressure to rush into anything; go at your own pace.

IN CONCLUSION

In conclusion, your self esteem has probably been damaged and it’ll definitely take some time before you’ll build back up: While you’re still vulnerable, it’s advisable to surround yourself with people you trust. Love and light, Wonder.