Few years back, in my quest to prepare ahead for an amazing marriage, I read the book Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus. That book can open the eyes of a blind lover. It can show you why most people say they have ‘irreconcilable differences’.
I like to tell singles and engaged that there are no irreconcilable differences; we only have partners who have chosen not to reconcile their differences.
Differing Perspectives isn’t irreconcilable differences
Most men see things in a totally different way from women.
This births a change in perspectives and opinions and if not properly managed,
becomes a major challenge to the relationship. Having an understanding of the
workings of the opposite sex will save you from impending troubles in your
relationship or marriage.
The fact that both of you have differing perspective
should not automatically equate to irreconcilable differences. Sometimes,
it is the laziness to work on the success of our relationship that makes us use
this term.
Example of two differences between a man and a woman
1. Men are Physical: This explains why most men are more
interested in physical activities than women are. As a result of this, men tag
women as lazy because a woman shys away from physical exertion. This is not so.
A woman may not be able to lift a big bag from the cupboard
because it’s physically exerting but there are tens of activities she’s
comfortable doing, that will break you down if you (man) try them consistently.
2. Men Do Not Care: Most men aren’t too picky about what
they look like and how you see them, except ofcourse they are trying to impress
you. A woman is different. She’s choosy and cares a great deal about how she
looks, her hair, expensive shoes, celebrity status of her partner and even
more.
This makes a man see a woman as materialistic and vain. The
same man who sees a woman as vain and materialistic wants his woman to
dress-to-kill and look prettier than all the sisters in town.
The differences
What is happening here is simply a difference in perspective and opinions. Men will always be men and women will always be women. It is your responsibility to learn about the other gender as much as you can. This knowledge will serve you when you eventually get married.
When couples get married, the man gets angry that the woman
is delaying with dressing up. A man who has taken time to understand the female
gender will not get himself worked up over this. Instead, he would envisage it
and make a plan for it.
As engaged couples that you are, you should not see
differences in your partner as trouble but as complementing. You complement
your partner and your partner complements you.
Next time there is a difference in opinions and
perspectives, don’t let it degenerate into argument. It is normal if both of
you don’t see things from the same perspective but it is abnormal if it keeps
becoming a cause of disagreement and unhappiness between you two.
Your marriage will be sweeter if you devote some time now that you are engaged in having a deep sense of the psychology of men and women they love.
ALSO READ: Yvonne Jegede’s Divorce and the Myth of Irreconcilable Differences in Marriage [Long Read]
