If He Plays These Mind Games, Leave!!

If you’re in a relationship with someone that forgets to keep to commitments, and then says it’s all your fault when you bring it up, you’re dating someone that’s playing mind games.

When this happens often, you’ll begin to doubt yourself and not the relationship between you two. You’ll wonder what you’re doing wrong, and even start believing you’re not good enough.

You need to stop that immediately. He isn’t someone who values you. So if you come across a man who plays any of these mind games, leave!!

1. Blame

Words can hurt you, especially if these words are frequent and yet unpredictable. People point the finger to get the upper hand.

Blaming may be largely subconscious, but that makes them even more dangerous to a relationship.

Blamers lack self-esteem, yet they don’t want to admit it, so they need to find fault with you instead of looking at themselves.

What to do if someone is blaming you for everything:

First, get some perspective. Take time alone or talk to a friend, coach, or therapist about what part you may be playing.

If it’s when you’re trying to get closer, or when you’re feeling especially great about yourself or having a really good day, have a talk with your friend or partner.

If the conversation produces more blame from them, it’s time to leave.

2. Shame

A more subtle type of blaming, shaming is on the rise these days, especially on social media. However, shaming in a relationship can become toxic.

People can shame you without any action on your part.

Shamers are often co-dependent. They want to tear you down to build themselves up, and they shame you to manipulate you because they’re afraid to lose you if you discover that you’re better than them at something.

What to do if someone is shaming you in a relationship:

Don’t buy into shame, and walk away. The shame game is never a good relationship tool. It means we’re not owning our own stuff. It comes from a place of desperation and fear.

Shame also creates a vicious circle of co-dependency. We become too afraid to leave our partnership, our office, our friendship, while they continue to make us feel less-than so we won’t leave.

Don’t engage, and if the shaming becomes chronic, distance yourself, emotionally and physically, for good.

3. Fame

Often the people who blame and shame us are quite successful because their own self-blame results in perfectionist tendencies. Their fake perfection is what attracts us in the first place.

Blamers and shamers don’t want to fail, and their self-esteem is often so low that they can’t admit it.

They may lie, make excuses, and throw their problems at others — all so they can keep these festering feelings of inadequacy a big secret.

What to do if someone is using you to boost their own ego:

You may sense the sadness in people who want to blame and shame us.

You may want to help or heal the person because you care. You may make your own excuses for them. You may make suggestions, and they may intermittently reward you with a shower of attentive affection.

They seem to be on the right track, but then they derail, and the arguments (or worse) start again.

Most people that carry around a lot of shame and blame need an empathetic professional counselor and a neutral space to heal.

If you’ve told friend or partner how their actions make you feel, using a statement like, “When you yell at me, I feel disrespected,” and their hurtful actions continue (especially if you begin to feel you’re being manipulated), then they need help you can’t deliver.

If your boss treats you this way, start looking for another job.

LAST LOVE TIP

This does not only relate to your partner. If your friend or anyone you’re in a sort of relationship with refuses to stop playing these mind games with you, you need to let go. You’ll be happier and glad you did in the future.

It may seem hard to let go but with time, you’ll regain a the self-love and self-respect you’re losing now.