I Don’t Want To Ever Get Married — Tanya

Tanya has said that she never ever wants to get married because of how she grew up. She believes love is cruel because of how her parents lived, finally parted ways and the effect it had on her and her siblings. 

Her Story

My parents got married early. I guess my mum was 23 and my dad was 25. They were early. My dad was doing well though. They were both done with school, my dad had a very good job, I think he was also the best graduate in his time so like, things were easy for him. My mum had her money too. She was not broke but she was not as rich as my dad. She was working in a bank then. They met and all, I don’t know the story of how they met. They got married and made me and my sisters. Yea, we are all girls. My mum and my dad raised us in Lagos Nigeria. Jeez calling him my dad irritates me.

She Hates Her Dad

When my mum gave birth to her Fourth Child, I was 7. I’m the second and we are 4 girls so that was my mum’s last child. When my mum gave birth to her last child, we all prayed that it was going to be a boy because my dad had threatened to throw us out of his house if it wasn’t. He cursed at us and called us a bunch of nuisance who expected him to take care of us and later answer another man’s name. He called us a bunch of liabilities and burdens. The issue between my mum and my dad started on the first day my mum caught him cheating…pleaseee

The Beginning

That was the first day I learnt about the word ‘Unfaithful’. I was so confused. I came back from school with my senior sister Susan and we heard them yelling at each other. My mum was crying and shouting at the same time. She kept yelling ‘Cheat’ and my dad kept yelling back. Susan took me into our room immediately and we sat there. My mum was heavily pregnant for my immediate sister, Tabitha. After a long back and forth between the both of them, my mum came into our room. Her eyes were swollen and it looked like she cried for a really long time. I remember asking her what the matter was but she shoved me off but I knew already. I knew daddy was with another lady.

I had caught him once. We all went to church that Sunday except for him. It was very close to our house, in the same estate. I forgot my Bible and I decided to go back home. The door was open and I walked in. Unlike others, I didn’t hear anything. They were careful enough not to make noise. I went into my room and picked up my Bible, I wanted to tell my dad to come and lock the door behind me because it was open and that was when I saw them. This lady, I don’t know her, but she was there, doing all sorts with him. I stood there for a while and I didn’t know what to do. Was I supposed to run in and stop them? If I did he was just going to deny it. What does a little girl know anyway?

When I got back to church and I saw my mum I couldn’t say it. I was going to break their marriage and I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to live separately with my sister and my unborn sibling. I don’t want what happened to Tobi to have happened to me.

Who is Tobi?

Tobi was my very best friend in school. Her parents got separated and her mum and dad divided her and her siblings. She is currently with her dad. They were 5 and she was the last. She and her immediate senior one are with her dad and the other three were with her mum outside Nigeria. The mum was getting married to a white man. I knew how Tobi felt when her siblings left her. She was devastated for a very long time. Divorce really affects the children very well.

Most times these parents make decisions like they are the only ones in it. They don’t even consider us. I decided to hide the truth from my mum for my selfish reasons and it didn’t take long before she found out.

The After Effect

Guess what? I was the one who they dropped and I stayed with my dad. My mum went with Susan and Tabitha. She was born already and was still very little so she had to go with my mum but why did she have to leave me? Why not carry us all? I hated my mum for this at some point. I knew now that she preferred Susan to me.

Of course, my dad was as free as a bird. He was extremely happy with his new life. He brought in numerous girls and at some point, he dumped me in a boarding school as a primary school student because I started to complain and I requested for a phone. My life with my dad was the worst. I hated marriage. I felt like that was all it brought because as I said earlier, my best friend’s parents were divorced too. Nothing good comes out of it.

You won’t believe what I’m about to say but about a year later, my mum and dad got back. She came back with Susan and Tabitha. They couldn’t fend for themselves eventually and mum had to come back to this hole. I was so happy to see Susan. Tabitha didn’t know me as she was little when they left. My mum and dad coming back was the biggest mistake ever. After a few months of pretending to have missed each other, my father’s true colour came rushing out. It became worse because he started to hit her. We couldn’t help my mum. I and Susan will kneel and cry but he will shove us aside. It was the worst nightmare of my life and I had a lot of nightmares. One day, I went to meet my mum and asked her why she came back and why she couldn’t leave. She said she had nowhere to go and she only came back because Susan cried every day that she missed me. She said she was thinking of me and she wouldn’t forgive herself for leaving me with a beast of a father. My dad won’t let me go, that’s for sure so they had to come to me.

I hated this man with my life. He was the cruellest being. Not so long, my mum got pregnant. After she announced her pregnancy, my dad told us to our faces that we should pray it was a boy or he’ll send all of us packing. I genuinely prayed cause I knew he meant every word, we all knew. On the day of my mum’s delivery, he wasn’t there. The nurse called him since his name was written as next of kin that my mum had given birth to a beautiful bouncing baby girl. He hissed and hung up. That was the last time I saw him. We slept in the hospital with my mum till she was discharged and when we all went back home, our things were outside. Like everything. They were wet and drenched because the rain had fallen the night before. My dad had thrown us out. It had dawned on me that my mum married the devil himself. Everything happened and we moved to a one-bedroom flat. My mum continued her job in the bank and I and my sisters vowed to do the best we can in school and in life.

Everything got better eventually. We are good. My mum is in the US with my junior sister, Tabitha. I’m here in Nigeria and I’m doing great. There was one time my Dad reached out to my mum and when she told us and read his message, we laughed. He said he’ll like to see us, you will like to see the people you threw out of your life? Thunder fire you!