Struggling Relationship: How To Help

All relationships go through stages, good times and problems will be present. Take heart when you recognize you’re in a struggling relationship. Good relationships don’t happen by chance. The basic skills and behaviors that improve our relationships are specific.

1. Make it a top priority for your relationship.

Relationships are like living things: either they evolve or they die. When we invest and cultivate them, relationships evolve and prosper. It’s also a warning that they have been ignored when you’re in a struggling relationship. In order to improve a failing relationship, you have to make your time and resources a top priority.

2. Accept that failure in any relationship can happen

Disappointment happens when fact does not meet our expectations. In their aspirations, two persons will always have differences. This implies that even a good relationship was once a struggling relationship. We prefer to concentrate on the negative, and then we use this “evidence” to reinforce the idea that dissatisfaction fills our relationships. Accept, instead that disappointment exists. Choose to reflect on the elements that have exceeded your standards and have also given unplanned blessings.

3. Don’t make negative statements, insults & remarks about your partner.

The words you use are powerful. You are causing harm when you bring your partner down or your partnership. Choose to break relationship-damaging habits, especially when you feel irritated and disappointed. Using phrases that display reverence, affection, and hope. Plant the seeds that you’d like to expand.

4. Don’t Suppress or Stonewall

A passive-aggressive strategy that might seem neutral, but is very destructive, is Stonewalling. You are stonewalling if you neglect, stall, and hesitate to engage. It is a power-play designed to break the opposition down. It holds the relationship in a dynamic of “me versus you”. It must be a “us against the world” dedication in order for a relationship to succeed. This is a great tip for a struggling relationship.

5. Don’t Play The Blame Game.

It’s a game that no one wins. And if you succeed in blaming your partner for your struggling relationship, you are still left with all those issues and the emotions that come with them. The best way to start turning the challenges into solutions is to take full responsibility for the roles that you play. Stop blaming the relationship you want and start building it.

6. Let go of the desire to fix or change your partner

The more you completely embrace this as reality, the sooner you start healing and growing together. Everyone longs for us to be loved and accepted for who we are. If your partner thinks that you are not embarrassed or upset, he or she will feel motivated to want to change. Focus, in the meantime, on changing and improving yourself.

7. Reflect on the qualities of your partner that you love & admire.

Remember the moments and reasons why you became unique and valuable to this person. Trust that all of those things are still true. Close your eyes and in your heart, keep those moments. Enable yourself to feel the passion, pride and appreciation you have felt once again. To revitalize your dedication to improving your relationship, return to these moments. Struggling relationships are not permanent.

8. Believe that your partner has good intentions

Psychological studies have shown that our brain can ignore and discredit evidence that contradicts what we believe until we become persuaded of a concept. We have a tendency to make our partner the victim when we feel hurt and frustrated. But if you’re going to have a chance to turn around your relationship, you need to make room for the chance that your partner could be your greatest ally. Believe that your partner has good intentions, but the data from which he/she acts is inaccurate or the result is harmful.

9. Forgive

We have many misunderstandings as to what it means to forgive. Forgiveness does not mean that you are granting others permission to mistreat you. It means you agree that all of us are doing the best we can. Certainly, if we had known better, we would have done better. It’s not because we want to when we disappoint and injure each other. Forgive your mate for not having found better ways to love you YET. Forgiveness means that you are committed to letting go of the hurt of the past in order to encourage the future to have new possibilities.

10. Learn how to be present completely.

Between being in the room and being present, there is a distinction. Between hearing and listening, there is a distinction. Being completely present means that you don’t presume that you already know what he/she feels when your partner talks. You are starting to listen to what you have not yet learned. You become a curious detective who is genuinely interested in discovering what is happening. This is a purpose entirely different from listening to show that you are correct.

11. Make it clear that you want your partner to hear & understand.

Tell your partner, ‘I know I might not have done a good job listening to you in the past. I see that you and I have been hurt by this. I don’t need to completely understand what is going on. I’d like to. Who you are, and what matters to you, I want to learn. I’m going to keep listening for as long as it takes.’

12. Tell your partner to share.

Ask, “Are you ready for me to share?” I’m ready to listen whenever you’re ready to share. “And I’m going to wait for you to feel safe,” then practice being completely present.

13. Learn what needs to happen to feel loved & valued by your partner.

For us to feel loved and valued, we all have different guidelines for what needs to happen. Every day, some people need to be told “I love you” several times. For at least twenty minutes per day, some ought to have one-on-one time. A hand pat for others will be enough from time to time. Press your wife, ‘What is it that makes you feel loved? What did I do that caused you to feel close to me? What am I doing to let you know that I am proud of you? Then give your partner what they need as much as they need it, as they need it.

14. Learn about cycles that hurt you.

Partners can fall into habits that are harmful. The pursuer / withdrawer cycle is a typical pattern. To elicit a response from the other, one partner will strike, nag, or chatter in a way. Then to prevent the pain, the other will withdraw, stonewall, or leave. More will be pursued by the first partner, driving the second partner deeper into withdrawal. This will obviously only lead to frustration on the part of everyone. The best way out is to consider what’s going on and explore it together. Call it, assert it and modify it.

15. Draw limits that won’t set you up.

Be frank about your limits when your partner asks something about you. Going along with things you really don’t want makes you feel disappointed and resented later on. When you do that to yourself, you are accountable. It’s not your buddy who can read your mind. In the long run, be realistic and set limits that will benefit everybody.

16. Respect yourself & Freely share your thoughts/feelings.

You are free to say what you are thinking and feeling. Eventually, a relationship based on false data designed to impress your partner would fall apart. Strong relationships are based on confidence and respect, which can only occur if both partners are honest with each other.

17. To protect your partner, beware of keeping secrets.

By keeping secrets from them, we are also tempted to shield our friends. As time passes and unexpected consequences come to light, this positive intention often falls apart. It can be very hard to know when to share secrets.” Try to be as transparent as possible, as soon as you can.

18. Take responsibility for your own values that limit you.

We all have values that are restrictive. They’re the little voices whispering in the dark, trying to shield us but keeping us trapped in terror. “I’m always going to be disappointed.” “I can’t trust men.” “Women are only going to use you for your money.” Your limited beliefs are not the fault of your spouse. Even before your partner came along, you had those convictions. Learn to describe your restrictive values. Be careful that your partner does not project your beliefs on you.

19. Be faithful to Your Word.

In a failing relationship, trust will be poor. Your partner will believe that is real when you say you’re going to do something or share what’s true for you. Changing your mind is okay for you but take the time to bring your partner up to speed. This encourages your partner to evolve with you and change.

Twenty. Take the time to show appreciation.

We always take it for granted that our friends will realize that we are thankful to them. We tend to feel taken for granted when we don’t take the time to share these basic appreciations. Whenever he/she does stuff that makes your life simpler and happier, thank your partner.

21. Together Daydream.

To build lives together, we engage in relationships. We are always caught up in life’s grind of logistics. Take the time together to daydream and consider what possibilities in the future you both hope for. Set goals and plans to help each other to make your dreams come true.

How else do you think a struggling relationship can turn around? Which of these do you think is the most effective? To share your thoughts, leave a comment below.