I know! It’s tempting as a straight person to offload all the questions in your mind and dump them on a gay person. Sometimes you are not even aware of how it might make them feel or how your questions sound.
To help you next time, these are 7 questions you should never ask a gay person.
1. Are you a top or a bottom?”
First of all, this is extremely rude. It’s like asking your mom which sexual position she prefers, and, hopefully, you wouldn’t ask her that. And if you would, then go ahead and ask this question to your gay friend. Everyone probably expects these kind of questions from you anyway.
2. You seem so straight. Are you sure you’re gay?
You think this is a compliment, but it’s really not. This is not meant as a dig against guys who do “pass for straight,” but it’s not the kind of thing any of gay men should be striving for. Being own authentic selves should be the goal. Besides, gay community takes a lot of courage to be out and proud.
3. Which one is the man and which one is the woman?
If being a gay guy around straight men has taught people anything, it’s that they’re all secretly fascinated by gay sex. Usually this curiosity manifests itself in fear or suspicion that they’ll catch whatever mythical illness it is that makes you want gay sex, but occasionally straight guys will go on a fact-finding mission. It really is no mystery — there is no man or woman, both people have penises, so just deal with it.
4. Could you please be my best gay friend?
Don’t be ridiculous. Gay people are humans and not toys. Stop being overly excited about meeting somebody and possessing them in your life just because of their sexual orientation. Be friends with them for their personality and interests, and not the gender the prefer having sex with.
5. You Don’t “Look” Gay, Are You Sure You Are?
A lot of “masculine” gay men often get this from people, and it’s almost always intended as a compliment. Here’s a friendly reminder: Gay men come in all shapes, sizes, and colours. If someone tells you they identify as gay, there’s no need to say things like this. Plus, you can’t really “look” like a sexual identity, so yeah you’re probably right – no one looks like a whole sexual identity. So what’s the point of asking – just skip the question.
6. Is this just a phase?”
Once again, invalidation underscores this question. It assumes that the person you’re asking is going through something and that their outlet or coping mechanism is getting into a homosexual relationship. Exploring one’s sexuality is not synonymous to going through a phase.
7. For lesbians: “Did a man hurt you?”
There are many reasons for a woman to like a woman, but a man never comes into that picture. Lesbians are attracted to women for no other reason than they are attracted to them.
