Seeking forgiveness is a pertinent pillar of a healthy relationship. You two will offend each other – at a micro and macro level. Usually, when that happens asking for pardoning can be a hassle. You get tangled between doing it and doing it right. It gets even more complicated, unfortunately, if your partner has a huge ego.
So to take care of that, I will share with you the basic essential rules of (seeking) forgiveness in a relationship.
Rule one: own up to your mistake.
It is not uncommon to have a partner who never takes the blame. And, sometimes, that partner can be you. The first rule of forgiveness in a relationship is to own up to it. Acknowledge the mistake. Say it in clear, unequivocal terms, ensuring that your partner recognizes your ownership of the blame.
The reason why this is important is that for the person who performs the act of forgiveness, (s)he wants to see clear verbal proof that you recognize what you’ve done wrong.
So, say what you’ve done that hurt your partner. Then observe the second rule.
Rule two: show remorse
Showing remorse helps you gain the sympathy of your audience. But you need to be careful not to be fake with it. For you to have decided to seek forgiveness means that you have realized deep down that what you did hurt your partner. To atone for this, you must show in your face how much you regret your action.
It’s not a requirement to have tears drop from your eyes. But if it’s genuine, it helps your case even more. Let your body, gestures and inactions communicate to your partner that all that had happened was done in error. Then observe the third rule.
Rule three: say the magic words
Acting out rules one and two will help you set the tone for the main deal in the course of seeking forgiveness. Uttering the clause, “(please,) I’m sorry” will perform magic in the heart of your partner. Because (s)he loves you, the sight of you owning up to your mistake, showing remorse and trying so hard to express how sorry you are all come together to make a good case in your partner’s mind for you.
Convey how sorry you are. And repeat this as much as possible.
Rule four: never at any point become defensive
One act that ruins the process of seeking forgiveness is giving up excuses why you did what you did. Hush. No one cares about your justification for doing it -especially not your partner. You erred. You hurt your lover’s feelings. That’s the issue on the ground. Not ngbati ngbati.
So stay clear off brandishing justifications and reasons. Don’t tow that line.
Rule five: never again shall it happen
What is most reassuring to your partner whom you have hurt is to relay that never again will it happen. Regardless of what your offence is -whether petty or colossal- be clear about the fact that it will never happen again.
And, for the love of God, never again let it happen.
Rule six: atone your sin with a gift
Although this is an optional rule, it helps your lover to forgive you quicker. You know what (s)he loves the most. Treat them to it.
In the course of seeking forgiveness, you should ensure that you don’t even hurt your lover’s feelings to start with. How would it make you feel if you were at the receiving end? So tread carefully. You are happy with your lover; be content with that. But, if you aren’t there are enough tips for you to choose from here.
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