The Project Called Marriage: Why Many People Will Continue to Fail at it

The Project Called Marriage: Why Many People Will Continue to Fail at it

I am not a prophet of doom neither does it bring me joy to see many failed marriages. As a matter of fact, I am on a mission to make happy marriages common but this has to be stated. If we want to succeed at this, we need a new orientation. Without this new orientation, many more marriages will continue to fail.

Marriage is a

So many of us approach marriage with kids gloves, no wonder we get punched with an Anthony Joshua size blow in marriages. Marriage is a major project that needs a strategy, attention to detail, commitment and quality preparation.
In undertaking a project to successful execution, you engage in research. In a marriage that research is interpreted as a deliberate attempt at knowing what each other’s likes, dislikes and why this person acts the way that they do. 

A marriage that will succeed need strategy

No one undertakes a project without a working strategy. A strategy is a blueprint of how you will run your marriage in such a way that love will not go missing and every member of the family will constantly feel like they are part of a worthwhile project. 

What is your strategy to resolve conflict when they happen? What is your strategy to make your partner remain in love with you? What is your strategy to ensure you remain lovers as you become parents? You need a strategy for everything. In project management, you assume ‘everything’ can go wrong and you envisage them while putting a strategy in place for if it happens. This is what people don’t do in marriage. They just blatantly leave everything to chance.
Because many people continue to approach marriage without a strategy, they will continue to fail at it. 

What Does it Mean to Fail at Marriage

To fail at marriage is to have a spouse who has fallen out of love with you. To fail at marriage is to live together as housemates instead of as lovers.o fail at marriage is to be unhappy or be the source of unhappiness for the other fail at marriage is to start considering divorce

This marriage project need certification

If I have the power, I would stop couples from getting certificates at the beginning of their marriages. For many people who have a degree, you had to slave in school for years to get it. Every project or academic endeavor where your reward comes before the work, most people often abuse it.
Imagine that you had gotten your bachelor’s degree in 100 level, would you study as much as you did? Would class attendance matter to you for the next four years? 

This is the same for marriage. We have collected the certificate and the real work of making it a success no longer interest us. 
Instead of getting a certificate before marriage, what if couples are told to enter marriage and every year, they will be assessed on their performance. When they score high, they get a reward. 
The result will be more men sitting at home with their families than staying out in clubs, more women loving their men the way they want to be loved and more couples deeply in love with each other such that every temptation and distraction cannot come near. Overall, we will have more whole children and  nation. 

A Different Reward System is Needed

If we don’t want marriages to continue to fail, we need to develop a different reward system for lovers and couples. There are plenty of dead marriages everywhere but it can be revived. 
You both need to stop seeing yourself as already married. Seeing yourselves as already married makes you do less work to keep it together.
You both need to do a monthly or yearly reward system based on an assessment. If you desire, I can get my team to send you a form you can both use to access yourselves. You can create your own assessment. Ask questions like:

How much of love did I feel from him/her this month? How much of sacrifice did he/she make for me this month? How much-undivided attention did he/she give to me? How did this person make me feel important this month? How much time did this person specially allocate to me? 

Use the figures between 10 and 50 as marks, with 10 being the lowest mark and an indication that you are failing in an area. 
Thirdly, you both need to be in the project together. It is not the sole responsibility of one person to make work. It is your both responsibility and you must both be ready to make the needed sacrifice.