“I don’t care about your body, I want you for you.”
These were the words Ade whispered to me right after I told him I wasn’t ready to have sex with anyone.
After our 4th date, he had pleaded with me to come over to his house. It had been such a great date and I had the best time.
Of course I was not in a hurry to get back home alone so I obliged him…after all it was the fourth date.
Halfway to his house, I noticed he was beginning to run his hands across my thighs. Oh! But it felt so good, but at the same time I knew I was not ready to cross the sexual line with him.
I blurted it out while seated on the passenger seat of his car.
“I’m not having sex with you tonight”
His reply had been a chuckle. Which was followed by his statement
“I wasn’t planning on having sex with you”.
And then the next statement
I don’t care about your body, I want you for you.
That made me happy and calmed my nerves down. That night, we spent it making ourselves comfortable in each other’s arms. We stole one or two kisses, but he stayed true to his word and did not push further for any other thing.
We watched some movies and I remember sleeping off in his arms. The next morning, he asked me proper to be his girlfriend.
I was already half in love with him, so…yes, I said Yes.
While we dated, Ade was a perfect match for me. He complemented my personality in ways no other person could. He made me so happy, and for so many months he didn’t push me further for anything more in terms of sex.
He was comfortable with just kisses and occasional make out sessions. Everything seemed to be going smoothly until they stopped.
I started to notice a change in him.
He soon became super temperamental with me and when I confronted him about it, he told me he had a case of blue balls because he was not having sex. He started to complain to me about how bad it was that he was not having sex with his own girlfriend.
I know he had an very active sex life prior to dating me and it made me feel so guilty because I was depriving him of that.
At the same time, I knew that I was not emotionally ready to have sex with him or anyone for that matter. Not anytime soon.
I knew this was such a tricky situation.
I wondered to myself…should I compromise!
Is this the case where a healthy compromise is needed?
I thought about allowing have sex with me once or twice, to assuage him temporarily, but, I realized how sad that would make me.
As much as I loved him, this was my value and I couldn’t compromise on it.
After a long conversation with him, I decided to call it quits with our relationship. I wasn’t being fair to him and he wasn’t being fair to me either by his insistence on having sec with me.
We both loved each other deeply but we just couldn’t meet in the middle in terms of the sex situation.
I might have lost Ade, but I’m glad I did not lose myself or a part of my value because I was trying to make him happy.
As important as it is to compromise in relationship, they can very easily become unhealthy if the compromise reached makes one party unhappy.
