I used to be this person that didn’t care about relationships. I always said I wanted something with no strings attached, something to spice up my youth. My life was boring. Relationship to relationship, I was tired. I didn’t want the commitment again but I wanted the enjoyment.
“Have you ever tried it?” My best friend Tola asked the first time I said it out loud.
“Tried what?” I looked confused.
“Being in a relationship with no strings attached” Tola answered. “You think it’s just to open mouth?”
I was pissed because what was Tola’s business. Me that is just thinking out loud to myself so why did he put his mouth? I ignored him and continued to fold my clothes.
“You are going to Ignore me, shey?” He started to get up from my bed and I knew he was coming to disturb me. I was honestly not in the mood so I told him to let me be.
Even if I was talking to him, what I said was not bad, mtchew. After I was done folding my clothes, Tola said he was sorry. One of the things I loved about him was that he apologized for the smallest things. I can’t really recall what happened after that but when Tola was about to leave my place, he turned to face me and said, “Glory, about what you said…”
I cut him off immediately cause I didn’t want anybody to preach to me. I was still going to do what I was going to do.
“I don’t mind being friends with benefits.” He added. I looked at him with shock then I burst into laughter. I remember him standing there, embarrassed. I was embarrassed too but I had to cover it up with a laugh. Did I sound so desperate that I would want to sleep with my best friend? Maybe i was. It didn’t take a day or a minute before I agreed and now, I’m left with no partner or best friend.
At the beginning of the relationship, it was good. People didn’t suspect a thing because we were already so close that they thought we were having sex way before we started.
‘At Least they didn’t accuse us in vain’, this was me making myself better with quotes. We agreed to never have feelings. I felt it would be easy because I have known him my whole life and never have I ever thought he was attractive. It was easy, we enjoyed it and it even made us closer.
The first time I started to feel this way was three months later. Tola introduced me to this girl, Shade and said she’s the woman of his dreams. He was joking of course but I felt hurt. I remember, the first time I thought of it, “oh so I’m the woman of your sexual desires?” I never said it out loud. It was just in my head.
Why was I bothered? I asked for it so why am I feeling this way? I tried my best to push it off but it didn’t go. When Tola started seeing this girl, he stopped coming around every time and he called off our entanglement. I was supposed to understand because now he was in a relationship and he wanted it to work. I didn’t understand why I felt hatred instead.
Tola is obviously kissing her or telling her they are going to get married. I felt used. So while someone is somebody’s wife material, I am somebody’s bed material…better bed sheet, my breast was used as a pillow.
As I’m saying this thing, I won’t lie to you, I’m still hurt. I feel like I gave him my all and he played with my feelings. I asked for it, yes but did he have to get a girlfriend?
The time I confronted him was the last time we spoke. It was a huge fight. He found out I told Shade about us and she was mad at him. See, don’t think I’m a witch. I didn’t tell her we were still having the relationship, I just told her what had happened before she stepped into his life so she’ll know it used to be me. I didn’t know she was going to get mad. Tola was so angry at me that day. She’s your girlfriend and she deserves to know everything that has happened in your life, yes!
I never apologized. Tola couldn’t believe his ears. He told me to leave and asked me never to call him again. That was when I knew I was alone. I couldn’t believe he would fight with me because of her! I thought it was a joke till he stopped picking up my calls and blocked me on all messaging apps. He’s still with Shade now and I don’t know what to say. I feel shattered, used, broken. Like my world has fallen. Men are scum.
