Just Before You Break Up That
Relationship
How did you get to the point where the one person you once
professed undying love for has become the enemy of the state (that’s you)?
This happens often but it shouldn’t be happening to you if
every box was ticked correctly.
So, if at the moment you are having challenges in your
relationship, you are about to break up or you feel there is something missing
in your love life… You need to pay attention to the following:
1. How did you get to this point?
Knowing how you got here can prevent you from further making
the same mistake in future.
What mistakes did I make? Should I have entered the
relationship in the first place? When did things start going bad? Would I have
been able to correct it if I had acted earlier?
All these questions will point you to how you got to this point. Once you can trace the origin, you can also determine if what you need is a breakup or a counselor.
ALSO READ: My Divorce Story: Married twice, Divorced Twice, Yet Constantly Teaching Love – Aqueela Maddox
2. What do you want now?
There is no point crying when the milk is already spilled.
If it was about to spill, there may still be a little chance but if it’s
spilled. Get up, wipe yourself and move.
Crying, moping and feeling sorry for your destiny won’t do
you any good right now. You need to ask the question; what do I want now?
That’s what matters! Can you describe in details what you
want?
Take a notebook and write what you want in details and the
love experience you desire. Once you put pen to paper, you will start to see
things in a new light and happiness will envelope you. In the first place, the
reason you are having your current dilemma may be because you didn’t define
exactly what you want in a relationship or marriage.
3. Who do I need to become to get
what I want now?
The mistake many of us make is that we think in terms of
‘what’ we need to do instead of ‘who’ we need to become.
Your experience is a result of who you are. The lover you
attract is a result of whom you have become. To attract better and achieve
better results in relationship, you need to embody better values and virtues.
This is what I call The High-Value Partner (I have a coaching program on this).
When you become The High-Value Partner (I don’t mean the ‘valuable partner’), you have a deeper knowledge of yourself, why you act and attract the way you do, how your family and environment has contributed to your current reality and how you can turn everything around to achieve maximum love experience. Start a journey to become a much better person and see how things change drastically for you.
ALSO READ: Yvonne Jegede’s Divorce and the Myth of Irreconcilable Differences in Marriage [Long Read]
4. Decide Now
I hate break-ups! Those who have followed my works for a
while can testify to this. However, I hate dilly-dallying when the only option
left for moving forward is break-up.
Once you have done all the analysis and you are certain that
the best option is a break-up, stop wasting time. Do it already.
If you don’t, you are liable to hurt your partner while he’s
also liable to hurt you. You’ll continue to hurt yourselves emotionally till
you are drained.
I need you to realize that you are not ugly. You are not
bad. You are not wicked. Don’t believe the ‘un-caring’ tag that you have been
sold. You are not the worst boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife and IT IS NOT
YOUR FAULT things didn’t work out.
Everything is feedback
You may now believe that your break-up or the problems in
your relationship are your fault. I want you to perish that thought now. It’s
not your fault because everything in life is feedback.
You have just learned some ways you shouldn’t take in a relationship anymore. You are getting better and if you continue with this mindset, I can tell that you are about to rock your next relationship into a Happy Marriage.
ALSO READ: CHRIS ATTOH AND THE ENTITLEMENT MENTALITY OF AFRICAN MEN
Importantly, DON’T LOSE YOURSELF. Break-ups or bitter
relationships have a tendency to leave you worse than before but don’t allow it.
Get back grinding.
