LOVERS DESK
Lovers Desk is a weekly Lovelife.ng series that explores the relationship struggles and exploits of young Africans. It showcases the hidden love and hurt stories that are rarely shared or discussed, helping you see through their lens and draw lessons for your own love life.
My Story
“This thing called love, I’m not doing it again oooo.”
This is a song I used to sing to my friends on a consistent basis because I was truly tired of love. I had a portfolio of broken relationships and heartbreaks in my wake, some of them leaving me so raw and sore that I swore never to fall in love again.
What is love? I asked myself, if not pain and anxiety. Love wasn’t worth it.
My last relationship had completely shattered my heart. I had gotten into a long term relationship with Emeka, my university sweet heart and found out 6 years later that he was already planning an elaborate traditional marriage with somebody else.
“My mother does not like Yoruba women”
This was what he told me morosely in his living room the day I confronted him. He couldn’t meet my eyes as he said it, his hands clenching and unclenching.
Imagine! Then why lead me on all this while when you know I had no future with you? Why waste my years with you only to marry another person.
Why do this to me?
When I finally got my visa after years of trying to travel to the US I was beyond elated. I was glad that I would get an opportunity to shake him and all of my other past relationships off in a new country. I was determined to remain single and to be on my own.
Being in US the first few months was a lonely experience at first. It was lonely in the way you feel alone when you’re 11 and your mother drops you off at a boarding school. I felt scared and extremely homesick.
However, as the months passed, I learnt to adjust like every other normal person. I started making a few friends and stepping out more. I got a job as waitress in a busy restaurant in California. It paid me decent money but most importantly I got the opportunity to meet a lot of new people and network with them.
This was how I met Richard.
Richard was an Oyinbo man with an intense love for Nigerian food. We both started a natural easy conversation when he found out I was Nigerian and I found out his love for Nigerian food. One afternoon, he offered to take me out on a date. Ahhhh! I immediately balked at the idea.
He insisted and told me it was just on a friendship basis. Of course I obliged him. I had just a few circle of friends and would definitely appreciate new ones.
So, in every sense of the way it was a friendship date.
He took me to an African restaurant and we both ordered pounded yam and Egusi. I had never seen someone eat with so much relish and passion. He devoured every single morsel of pounded yam on his plate and wiped his Egusi plate clean. I knew then that I was going to be friends with him.
I decided to invite him over to my house soon so that I could cook for him. This was an entirely innocent invitation because in my mind I had made a friend.
I was going to make a popular Yoruba Delicacy for him; Amala and Ewedu. I was positive he would love every bite. When he came over, he immediately offered to help me and even helped me turn the Amala. After we were done eating, he did not “offer” to do the dishes, he just went straight to the sink and started washing the plates himself.
After that, we spent most of the nights talking about everything and anything. He told me intimate parts of his life and i opened up to him and told him of my history with love.
He reached out while we were talking and just held my hand. I think that was when I noticed the first spark of feelings. His hand holding mine felt so right. Like his big hands were made to mold into mine perfectly.
My heart was beginning to beat a different tune.
Was this man not aware that I wasn’t doing love again? Who sent him to me? Why was he doing all the right things?
I was adamant at resisting my feelings. I did not want to hurt again and worse I was not sure if he liked me just as much as I was beginning to like him.
I did not have to wonder for long though, because on my birthday, he took me out on another “friendship date” and it was during the date that he revealed that he was falling in love with me.
He told me that he had been attracted to me from the very first day he saw me but had to play it cool so that It wouldn’t scare me off.
I told him of my background in love and he promised to be gentle with my heart.
“I would never hurt you” he said to me that day while holding my hands and staring at me deep in the eyes.
I decided to say yes to him. I mean at the end of the day, that is what life is, isn’t it?Opening yourself up and being vulnerable even when you know you might get hurt.
The Yes I gave to him that day would become the best thing that would ever happen to me. I and Richard have been together now for 11 years.
He proposed to me 2 years after we both started dating and we’ve now been married for 9 years.
Richard has been consistent in loving me properly and I wake up every morning feeling like an absolute queen because of his love.
This is my story. I found love in the diaspora despite my initial portfolio of heartbreaks and broken relationships.
This is a subtle reminder for you to give love another chance.
