At the beginning of a new relationship, many are lost in the romance and enjoying the tingling sensation that comes with feeling in love. Much of the focus is on sending sweet text messages and planning outfits for dates instead of preparing for the survival of this relationship.
There are some key things you should consider end do at the beginning of a relationship that will make sure that that smooth vibe continues and carries on throughout the relationship.
1. Lay Down Your Dealbreakers
At the start of every relationship, you should try and find a way to work deal-breakers into the conversation. Of course, it’s not that fun to talk about all of the things you don’t want when you’re trying to dive headfirst into something that feels amazing, but it’s best to get anything that could cause drama later off your chest immediately.
A few choice deal-breakers? “You never want to have kids, you are a virgin, you don’t ever want to be married, you are not close with your family,” Whatever your list looks like, we all have them.
And it’s not fair if you wait until much later to bring them up. “It is better sooner than later to mention dealbreakers, so that you are fair to the other person, and so that you are not wasting either of your time. What if you both missed meeting the perfect person because you did not address these incompatibilities head on?” Though I would never suggest that you bring this kind of thing up on a first date, if it becomes clear that one of you wants kids and the other never wants them, it’ll be easiest for both of you if you pull the plug at the beginning.
2. Take A Cold, Hard Look At Yourself
The one thing I would advise everyone to do at the start of a new relationship is take inventory of yourself. Does this person encourage you to be you, and show up authentically?
By writing it down, it’ll become crystal clear whether the new endeavor is a wise plan or not. And don’t forget to write down where you see your new relationship heading. This could help you when it comes time to move forward in the relationship or move away from the relationship, by comparing the way you felt at the start of the relationship to the place you are when you look back. If nothing else, it’ll be a helpful guide for going forward, and will get your thoughts out of your head and on paper.
3. Be Real
It can be so tempting to try to be a better, sparklier version of yourself when you first meet someone. But that will never work out in the long run. New relationship energy blinds you to tackling controversial issues because you think love will concur all. So be yourself one hundred percent!!
4. Open Your Ears
Listen. In the beginning, that’s it: Just listen. Too many people get swept up in romance and excitement, and they forget to listen and learn about the person they’re dreaming about and fantasizing a life together. If you are tired of dating men with no money, listen when he says that he’s between projects or in transition.
In other words, don’t let romance cloud your judgment — or clog your ears. Sex and romance are wonderful, but using the beginning of dating to really learn about the person and to decide if you’re compatible is a better use of your time and energy.
5. Be Honest
Honesty is the best policy. It’s totally normal to want to display the best version of ourselves early on in a relationship, but that can also lead to white lies, or straight-up lies. So don’t try to front like you’re down with something if you’re not, or like you’ve got everything together if you’re still working on parts of yourself. If you hate partying, don’t pretend like you do just because he’s like that. If you’re allergic to cats, don’t say they’re your favorite pet because she has some.
If you lie, they’ll find out — and then they’ll know you’re a liar, too. The truth will come out eventually, so might as well face your disagreements now. It will not guarantee the end of the relationship. And if a fling does end as a result of being transparent about your needs, it’s for the best anyway.
6. Tell Your Partner If You’re Looking For A Long Term Relationship
If you’re looking for a committed relationship, then let the other person know that sooner than later. You can do this by asking the person to put two feet into the relationship. State that you don’t want drama and you don’t want confusion, so if they want to be with you, then it has to be only you.
If you’re worried you’ll scare someone off, that’s totally legit. You might scare off the commitment-phobics, but it’s better to know who and what you’re dealing with from the get-go.
Of course, it’s worth waiting until you know what you want with someone — all long term relationships are not created equal, and it takes some time to know that you want commitment.
That is, assuming that you want a committed relationship to begin with. If not, skip to the next tip.
8. Don’t Compare
The one imperative at the start of every new relationship is leave your past relationships behind. This new person is not your ex. And this is a good thing. Though this can be done consciously or unconsciously, the outcome is never good.
9. Meet Their Friends
The way you vibe with your new partner’s pals says a lot about how the relationship will go. Make sure you spend time with each other’s friends.
Not only is it a good idea to see what kinds of people your partner chills with, your own friends will prove invaluable as well. Your friends will give you feedback about the person, and your date’s friends will tell you a lot of stuff you need to know.
IN CONCLUSION
In conclusion, you just need to be honest with yourself and the new person you’re feeling. Don’t limit yourself or lower your standards. Make sure it’s what you’re looking for and also find out who they are. The rest will come in due time. Love and light, Wonder.
