Most times, relationship blogs will only warn you about the red flags but won’t tell you about the opposite; the green flags which let you know this person is the right one for you. Yesterday, we talked about the red flags and today, we’ll be discussing the green flags.
We already spoke about the secretion of chemicals like oxytocin that prevent us from seeing clearly in the early stages of a relationship which keeps us in a state of happiness when we’re with our partner.
Luckily, Lovelife.ng is willing to do your seeing for you and we warned you about the red flags yesterday, now we’re here to help you see the green flags that you might have missed. When you are getting to know someone, look for these. It’s a good sign they can manage conflict and show you respect, even when you differ.
ALSO READ: https://lovelife.ng/10-red-flags-you-shouldnt-ignore-in-your-relationship/
Gentle Startup
Rather than becoming critical, the masters of relationships discuss their concerns and complaints by starting the conversation gently. They also tend to follow a formula of “I noticed X, I feel X, I need X” when discussing what is bothering them, rather than accusatory “You always do X, you need to do X, why don’t you…“
Responsibility taking
Instead of defensiveness, you want to take appropriate responsibility for your part. This means that you own even the smallest piece of the problem when it exists. People who take responsibility hear their partner out when they have a concern, validate the concern, and take pause before responding. This can sound like one partner saying, “Hey, I’ve noticed that when we go out with your friends, I am left alone in the corner. I feel really awkward in those moments. I need you to stay by my side a little more until I get to know them” (a gentle start-up). In turn, the other person responds non-defensively by saying, “You’re right. I shouldn’t walk away from you like that. I can imagine it’s uncomfortable when you don’t know everyone yet.”
Self-soothing
We all get upset. It’s human to have overwhelming emotions from time to time. However, those that fair well in relationships tend to take responsibility for soothing themselves and they have partners who are willing to allow them to take the time they need to self-soothe. This means that when someone needs a break, they take it and the other person gives them space.
Contempt
To overcome contempt, the person expressing it needs to lean into recognizing and expressing their own feelings. They likely also need to explore their past experiences that are leading them to feel anger and hostility toward their partner. Instead of showing contempt and saying “I can’t believe you are late. You disgust me,” a partner who can appropriately express themselves might say, “When you are late, I feel so angry.”
IN CONCLUSION
Looking at this list of green flags, I believe that if you take a little extra care, you’ll be able to tell if your partner has any of the above. If so, good for you, you’re well on you way to a long lasting love life. If not, I encourage you to see if the situation can be worked on so long as they don’t have the red flags we warned about. Love and light, Wonder.
