The term Couples Counseling is not strange to us. During arguments or conflicts, things can be said that hurt us a lot. The more arguments and conflicts a couple has and slowly, the feeling of being alone will grow in the relationship with a desperate thirst for connection, safety and security.
When there is no communication and trust in a relationship, the result is a series of toxic interactions push us farther away from each other instead of bridging the gap between one another.
Statistics has shown that couples therapy can create a positive lasting change for 70% of couples.
However, couples often do not always couples therapy to improve their relationship.
Here are some facts:
• 31% of couples take a premarital relationship education program.
• Only 19% of couples actually seek out some form of couples therapy and only 37% of divorced couples worked with a professional prior to signing the papers.
• The average couple waits six years before seeking professional help for marital problems.
This is partly attributed to the stigma against couples therapy. Below are just a few examples of this and how it can impact your relationship:
• Thinking that going to couples therapy means that we, as a couple, are not strong enough to work through issues on our own. That there is something inherently wrong in our relationship. It’s a shame game.
• Pretending the issues don’t exist and avoiding admitting and confronting problems that peek out of the closet in the relationship.
• Convincing ourselves that the real problem is our partner. So why go to therapy when they are the reason this marriage sucks? (Hint: Every relationship requires two people and so inevitably you are also involved).
• Believing that love should just click. A relationship with no effort is not a great relationship. It’s a doomed one.
I won’t tell you that bringing up difficult issues in couples therapy will not be challenging, because it will be.
When To Pursue Couples Counseling
There are evident or subtle signs that tell you and your romantic partner that you could benefit from couples counseling. These include:
• Escalating conflict and nasty communication habits.
• Emotional distance and loneliness.
• Falling out of love, i.e. “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.”
• Trust and commitment issues, such as difficulty relying on a partner or not putting each partners’ well being on par with each other.
• Attachment insecurities that are grounded in feelings of low self-worth and fears of abandonment. This can include extreme dependence, which leads to intrusive behaviors. But it can also include extreme independence which can make a partner feel like they’re not a priority.
• Feeling unsupported and emotionally dismissed or difficulty with opening up emotionally.
• Sexual intimacy is practically non-existent, there is a lack of desire, and/or it’s rarely talked about.
• Difficulties with in-laws, friendships, work, or life stressors including health issues.
• Abuse, affairs, and addictions (alcohol, drugs, porn, etc.)11
• Differences in parenting styles that lead to conflict.
• Mismanagement and disagreement on finances.
• Things feeling unfair in the division of household chores.
• Untreated anxiety and depression issues that complicate things in the relationship.
• Unequal decision making.
• Difficult childhood upbringings that have emotionally wounded partners and make it difficult to trust your partner or stay engaged when conflict arises.
A well-trained couples therapist who seeks to deeply understand you and your partner can support you in implementing strategies and tools to change the way you communicate, as well as shift unhealthy dynamics in your relationship. They can help you bring forth difficult feelings in a vulnerable way that helps your partner see you better and helps create a plan to win your heart.
The fact that we’ve always been trying to encourage in this website is that guy should take your relationship like other aspects of you life and work on import one it over time because if not, stagnation will set in like it does to a house or teeth or a car.
There are even therapists who offer an annual Couple Checkup to help you explore your relationship strengths and opportunities for improvement for the next year. The way some people service their cars monthly, go for yearly physical exams. A relationship also deserves that level of attention.
IN CONCLUSION
Bringing up the problems your relationship is facing is no easy task but it can promote the address of some core issues that affect both the wellbeing of your partner and yourself. If this article has article has advised you to seek couples counseling, ensure you do so. If not, focus on still improving your relationship because if ignored, it will deteriorate.
Look up and be hopeful, love is a beautiful think. Love and light, Wonder.
