The problem of the
African Marriage is Perfection
As a relationship trainer and author, I can almost say one of the major problems facing the marital institution in Africa (African Marriage) are couples who care more about looking good to the world than the health status of their relationship. African Marriage is obsessed with perfection in the eyes of the world than working on creating daily enjoyment in their home.
Many people are not
working extra time to make their marriage perfect but are taking overtime to
ensure their marriage appears perfect to the world. You see them care so much
about photoshoot and twinning than they care about Love and Respect. They care
about being a power couple on social media when they are nothing but a helpless
couple in their marriage.
We have witnessed high powered couples whom we once celebrate break up. Before their breakups or divorce, Chris Attoh and Damilola Adegbite were the couples we want to be like. Yvonne Jegede and her man were goals. Gbenro Ajibade and Osas were the dream team. I must quickly say that divorce is nothing to be ashamed of when you have truly given your all to make it work but failed.
However, this is to
help us see that what appears on social media is not enough to make
a marriage happy and lasting. We need to double down on the work
within our marriage and work less on making our marriage appear perfect to the
world.
Damn the world
The world does not really care. They will be first to cheer you when you appear perfect and the first to call you out when it’s not working. There are many of them just waiting for your marriage to fail so that they can say ‘I have always known it won’t work’. Marriage needs to get rid of perfection and the need for people’s approval.
Do the actual work
The fundamental principle of making a work is love and respect. A man must respect and love his wife. A woman must respect and love her husband. The African Marriage needs to understand this concept deeply, not in their cultural context but in the actual sense. Let me explain the love and respect theory according to me.
The Love and Respect
Theory
I am not one of those
that believe love is for the man to do while respect is for the woman. A man
that demands respect must give respect and show himself respectable. A woman
that wants love must give love and make herself loveable.
Inside the above
statement can be found the actual work that needs to be done. The man must work
extra time to respect his woman and work extra time to make her respect him.
The woman must do all it takes to love her man and do all it takes to make her
man love her. If they both do this, a man will relegate his ego for his
woman (he will allow her to make her own decisions even when they are wrong). A
woman will go out of her way to make her man happy with her. It is not rocket
science.
If I were you, instead
of constantly searching your phone for the perfect picture to post in order to
look good to the world. Leave the gram and do a 30 days detox off IG and
People’s opinion. Use the 30 days to do nothing but love and respect each
other. If you need a guideline on what to do daily for this 30 days, reach out
and I will send you a free document.
Don’t Lose Hope
Your marriage can work
but only if you believe. As a Christian, I believe that the devil is working
overtime to make marriages miserable but you must outwork him to make your own
marriage enjoyable.
A few days ago I asked
my woman why our marriage doesn’t have as many issues as we get to read on
social media and she said, ‘because we decided from the beginning that we will
not endure marriage but enjoy it due to our similar backgrounds’.
This is the decision you must make as well – to enjoy and not endure. It is not too late.
ALSO READ: My Divorce Story: Married twice, Divorced Twice, Yet Constantly Teaching Love – Aqueela Maddox
