#MYLOVESTORY: HOW I FOUND TRUE LOVE WITH THE ONE THAT BROKE MY HEART
I, for the most part of my life, had men pegged completely wrong. Absolutely and wholeheartedly, I mean I came from a home where my dad married 3 wives and I had the very true version of an evil step mother.
As a young girl, I didn’t have much to do with boys because it was the natural thing to do; run with your own species they said. Yet looking back I often wonder if I had allowed myself to play with the boys things might have been a lot different especially when it came to the time when I had to feel wanted and loved by them.
I was sensitive as a young girl, not much of a talker. I would rather keep to myself than mingle. I was a lone ranger. Making friends was a hard chore for me. Imagine not being able to look your female specie in the eye, how then would you go close to a guy. At first I thought it was an inferiority complex then I soon figured out that it wasn’t the case. I could be outspoken when I needed to be. I could call people out on their shit when I wanted. I could be rude to the core and a whole lot more.
I guess I just wasn’t into the whole making friends thingy. I had 5 siblings and a mum who filled the role so perfectly. Rough and tumble never appealed to me, being kind and gentle towards me pissed me off to a fault, I just wanted to be me in my own world. Now that being said about me, let’s move quickly to that time I let the first person in.
I was in the school cafeteria back in my primary school when she sat beside me. Our usual lunch back in my primary school was just rice and beans which they alternate between days. Tobi wasn’t having rice. She had a pack of sandwich with her. She said hi to me and I barely looked at her when I responded. That was how we became friends. From her, my circle grew bigger. I added two more people to my list and eventually we added a male to the group.
I knew I liked him, however, I have heard many people tell me that my hormones were just finding their balance and that I was probably unsure what I was feeling, yet I knew then how it was. It was particularly painful for me to watch when he got close to our other friends. I can remember going to school super early just to catch him first. I had this notion that if we started talking or gisting first no one would be able to interfere and I would have him all to myself.
As life would have it, his brothers happen to be friends with my sisters. They will all tease me about how I won’t stop talking about him at home. The brothers would also talk about how he talked on and on about me at home. I was excited to hear that he talked about me just as much as I did him. We got closer but we were young however not stupid. Our form of intimacy was exchanging trainers during sport. He would give me his lunch and I would give him mine. We would exchange letters and he would tell me how he loved to see me smile.
We were young, not stupid. We didn’t know what love entailed then. We just knew we would blush whenever we met. We would find it hard to talk about something when we were together. We will rather smile, giggle and just blush. I remember one of my numerous birthdays; I had a lot of birthdays back then. I refused to dress up if he didn’t show up. I was tricked somehow but I wouldn’t stop asking about him. And when he finally showed up, I was so excited that I rushed to go see him. This was the definition of our love. Fast forward to today, he is happily married right now.
Anyways, that’s not why we are here; he was the first guy I ever felt anything for. The next didn’t happen until I was in JSS 2, this time I have come to realize that there was more to what love is. My first kiss happened then. I had to know how it felt, tasted and I did. It was a disaster, I don’t even know why I did it but we did. I didn’t talk to the guy several days after. I was mad at myself and mad at him. Then I built a wall right through my junior school down to my 2nd year as a senior (SS2).
I was stupid really because I’m sure I could have had a few wonderful moments, but my aversion to risk had gone through the roof. When guys came close to me I’d turn beetroot red and run away, it was an in-built protection system of sorts. Then one of the holidays at my aunt, I met a guy. He was funny and different. He would made me laugh and I was somewhat opened to having a friendship with him.
One day he came to me with a dictionary. He handed it over to me. I asked him what I needed it for. Homeboy said he wanted to ask me a question and he kind of figured out what my answer would be and he needed to be prepared. I was just as confused as you right now. Fast forward to when he said he wanted us to have something more. According to him, he fell in love a couple of weeks back and have been gearing up to tell me before I went back home.
I smiled. He had the right words to say. I knew it wouldn’t work, not just because he was hella fine but because I was going back to school soon and he was travelling outside the country soon. I wanted my first love to be perfect. I told him I would rather remain friends with him. He smiled and told me the words friend, friends or friendship do not exist in his dictionary. He asked me to open it and literally searched for several minutes. He has torn the pages off. I asked him how many people fell for that and he said no one because I’d be the first.
Just as you’ve guessed, I fell in love. It wasn’t at that moment but I did before I went back to school. He would call my hostel to talk to me. We would talk via emails. My first email ever had two letters coined out of his name, ‘DK’. It went on till our next holiday when he also came home. I shared my first ‘real kiss’ with him on a hammock in his compound. We were hanging out on that day. I remember he said he wanted to try something and I should tap him if I didn’t like it. I asked him what he wanted to do and he asked me to close my eyes. Few seconds after I did, he kissed me. I was shocked and scared all at once. My mum’s sermon resurfaced in my head. I raised my hands to tap him but didn’t. I liked it and I wanted more. His mum however broke the kiss. That was the last I saw him till I went back to school.
His mum didn’t hate me however, he was mad at him because he knew he was going back to the UK finally. She apparently didn’t want him to do anything stupid with me and I was too sweet to be treated such a way. I found out about this after I went back and she told me. I was now in SS3 and now had a phone of my own in the hostel. We would exchange text and phone calls. I would gist my friends about him and vice versa. We did this for over 2years. However along the line the calls began to reduce. The text never came in; his Facebook page began to parade pictures of him and many of his “Friends”. Each time I will question him about this and he would blow me off.
Let me not bore you, the inevitable happened. I called him up one day and told him I want to end things. He asked if that was what I wanted and I tried to explain how I didn’t want it but looked like the safest option. He went on and on about how I am the one giving up and not him. He tried to make himself look like the victim but I wasn’t hearing any of it. We had our major fight and I let things go. It was tough because I really loved him. I was young and ours seemed like a fairytale love. Several months passed by and we didn’t call nor text. It was over.
I was just getting over my heartbreak when an old senior of mine buzzed me on Facebook. I knew him to be very intelligent but playful. He was one of those said “bad boys” back in my secondary school days. I never did care about him or his friends. Couple of my friends was friends of his and his friends but I didn’t care. I remember him asking a friend of mine out back in those days. I once heard the gist that he thought I was cock-blocking him with my friend. I laughed it off because genuinely I never saw him. One thing led to another and we became Facebook buddies. We would chat for several hours. I was just out of school and waiting for admission so I was basically jobless. He was an adventurous guy so he had one gist or another to let me in on.
I finally got myself a black berry phone and I knew he was using one himself. I noticed he had several ways of using emojis to form reactions when he laughs. I asked him to teach me so I sent him my BBM pin. We moved our chat from Facebook to BBM. Soon we started exchanging voice notes. I was always looking forward to his Voice Note. One day he gisted me about his girlfriend, I was lowkey jealous because I knew I was starting to like him but I wasn’t ready to let him know. However, one day he sent me a VN telling me about his breakup. I was genuinely sorry for him. I forgot about my feelings and was a good friend to him. We would talk everyday of the week, morning, night and day. It was a routine for us. We would talk about everything and anything. We never ran out of things to say.
One day, we decided to have a confession day. We were to confess things about each other. He went first; he confessed how he’s developed feelings for me. He shared that it might be one of the reasons why didn’t fight for his other relationship. He shared how he was attracted to me and how scared he was that it might be growing into something else. I was a little stunned. I finally confessed my feelings to him too. Oh I forgot to mention that he was half way across the world. It was another distance relationship. I had done it once and it didn’t work and now it was happening again. I told him about my last encounter and he promised this was different. We decided to take things slow. I knew I was falling in love with him and he made me think he was too. This didn’t change rather it increased. Even when I had not said yes, it felt like we were dating already but the unexpected happened. I was completely in love. I spoke with him about how I felt and he said it was mutual. However, the unexpected happened. He went back to his ex. I had just started working at a place at that time. He came to the office so we could talk. I was hurting but decided to give him the opportunity to tell me I was wrong. He did come and we had a long chat. I could barely hear because everything he said pointed to him getting back to his ex-girlfriend. I was shattered. This was supposed to be my best friend. The one that gets me more, the one I had innocently fell for. I was in love like I had never been before.
Weeks passed and nothing’s changed. I didn’t know what to do or who to talk to. I shared everything with my best friend she tried to get me through it. I met this very friendly guy at my place of work, at first we never spoke to each other. Truth be told, I am not one who makes friend easily. One day I wanted to go see a movie and he joined me. We got talking and he made me laugh through the boring movie. We soon became movie buddies and we would see movies together. One is not allowed to see a movie without the other. We would hang out and he would see me off to my bus stop every day. He would call to check if I was home and if I had eaten. Soon he started sending me breakfast and lunch. He became friends of my friends and I would tell him everything. I like him but just as a friend, when he eventually confessed his feelings I was confused about mine. I knew I always wanted to be around him but I wasn’t convinced that I was in love. I told him I had feelings for him to. He asked me out and I said yes. I didn’t know why but I did. I was sure as hell that whatever I felt will soon develop into love. Truth was, I needed to get over the love that had twisted my heart. I felt like if I could just give him my attention then the love would come. I would be healed and whole again. This went on for another one year.
Along the line, I mended my friendship with the one guy that totally stole and broke my heart. We became friends again. It was easy to forgive him. Somehow, I just knew he made me a better person and the least I could do was try to make him one too. I told my new guy about him. He was never comfortable with me talking to him. He shared his fears of how he thinks I was still in love. I lied and told him I loved him instead. Big mistake!!! This guy showered me with everything I could think of. If I can think it, he would do it I didn’t need to ask. Money, shoes, clothes, phone, hair, food and everything, he gave me. I didn’t know how to let him know that to do and what to make of it. I would gist my male best friend (who broke my heart) and he would urge me to give him a real chance. He would tell me to open my heart and let love in again. He would apologize for the damage he had caused and wished he could take it all back.
I tried, I really did but I couldn’t love Mr Gifts. I just couldn’t, not even with all the gifts; I couldn’t bring myself to love him. It felt so bad that I even forgot his birthday. It was one hell of a day. He soon realized this and couldn’t take it. Our conversations began to grow shorter. I barely call him. One day, we decided to call it quit. I didn’t tell Mr Ex. I didn’t want him to know I still had not moved on. 2 weeks after, he sent me a screenshot of a conversation. Mr Ex had broken up with his girlfriend. I was over the moon but I couldn’t show it. He asked about Mr G and I cooked up the perfect love story scenario. He didn’t sound excited about it. My joy increased.
One morning, I woke up to a text of how he wants me back. Mr EX texted me for another chance, He would call and we would talk for several hours apologizing and crying. I was confused. I didn’t know what to do. His girlfriend told a mutual friend that he only got back with her because his family had asked him to and he was never the same when they got together. When I heard, I was a little relieved. I told Mr Ex about my relationship status. He was elated. I was still scared. I didn’t know if I could trust him again. I knew about his escapades, this made me doubt him the more.
Six months later, I couldn’t suffer anymore I gave in to his persistent and constant apology. I loved him. As always he had the right words. One night, I decided to give it another try and it happens to be the best decision I have ever made because I found love where my heart had once got shattered. The one, who had made me cry, has given me endless laughter. 4 years and counting and I have never been happier. I found true love and I am not letting it go. By the way, both families are aware and involved and we are heading for the altar in a couple of weeks.
#MYLOVESTORY is a segment on HappyLoveLife where lovers (engaged or married) throw caution in the wind and share their love journey and story. It is aimed at inspiring, teaching while also entertaining others as to what is possible in their own love life as well. Do you have a love story to share on our platform? Feel free to send to firstname.lastname@example.org and we will publish your story (even if you want to remain anonymous). However, we only publish true-life stories on this segment – Fiction are not allowed!